


From A Whisper To A Scream

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blackmail, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Psychological Torture, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Michael has managed to keep his secret all his life, but, as life starts getting a little bit better and he lets his guard down, he meets someone who makes things much harder to handle.ORThings are complicated enough without the Manes Family Legacy showing up and ruining things.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 140
Kudos: 158
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tags will be updated as the story goes along. While this chapter is extremely fluffy, it only gets darker from here. If the first ~1000 words look familiar, it's because I posted it before I realized I was going to make this into a full-fledged story. Hope you enjoy the ride because I sure as hell am!

The viola stayed under Alex's chin even as his bow slowed and his fingers fell limp against the neck.

Maria kicked him to tell him he was fucking up, but he couldn't fix it. He was far too busy watching as Michael Guerin, quarterback of the football team who was being scouted by five different universities, slipped into the band room with a note in his hand. He had that award-winning smile on his face as he strolled towards Mr. Richard. Alex couldn't take his eyes off him; he never could.

Two months ago, he'd been assigned to tutor Michael Guerin because he was failing English. He'd been annoyed at first. While everyone else found him charming, Alex found him annoying, arrogant, and chronically heterosexual at best. However, two conversations with him later, he discovered he was a goddamn math genius and he wasn't actually bad at English either, he just didn't put in the effort. Alex had just made himself a personal pest rather than a tutor, breathing over his shoulder until he did his work. That hovering turned into something a tad unexpected...

"Alex," Mr. Richard said, not stopping as he waved the paper in the air, "Mrs. Doyle needs you, bring your bag."

Alex nodded, ignoring Maria's confused look as he quickly packed up his viola and headed towards the door of the band room. Michael was leaning against the wall beside the door, flashing that mischievous grin.

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble," he teased, speed walking down the concrete pathway that led to the virtually abandoned old gym that was only used during volleyball season. Michael had swiped his coach's key and made a copy, letting both of them inside.

"You can't just take me out of class whenever you're bored," Alex scolded, following him through the dimly lit gym towards the locker room without question. As much as those butterflies in his stomach were going crazy, he never let that show. It was easier to pretend he didn't really give a shit about him if he acted like it at all times.

"Who said I was bored? You can't make assumptions like that, Manes," Michael said, still grinning wildly as he unlocked the office that was used as storage more than anything. There were stacks of extra chairs and two old desks.

"I'm not making assumptions, I know you," he said, carefully putting down his case and his bag, "But seriously, our concert is in a month and I have a solo."

"Ooh, violin solo? Look at you," Michael teased. Alex rolled his eyes, standing up and looking at Michael who was waiting patiently for him with his hands behind his back.

"Viola," he corrected. Michael shrugged like the difference didn't matter, rolling from his heels to his toes and then back again. Alex stared at him blankly. "So what’s so important that you couldn't wait until after class?"

Michael's grin became entirely childish as he took a step closer. Alex leaned his hands back on one of the desks, lifting himself to sit on it easily.

"I had a dream about you last night," Michael said. Alex raised a lazy eyebrow despite his genuine interest.

Whatever they did wasn't real. It was something Alex had found to be very useful for bribery whenever Michael needed to do homework or a stress relief tactic, all born out of Michael's innocent questioning if the rumors about Alex were true. Alex was nothing more than a step in Michael's coming out process. But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with it.

"You were in that sexy little concert uniform, playing me a song, kept me distracted all day," Michael said. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about? My black slacks and white button-up? That's not sexy," Alex said. Michael bit down on his lip, eyes scanning over him anyway.

"Don't forget the bowtie," Michael breathed, taking another step closer, "Can I touch you?"

"Depends," Alex said, watching Michael snap his eyes up to meet his to wait for the permission he needed, "Did you finish that book report that's due tomorrow?"

"Yes," Michael answered.

"Mhm, what was it about?" Alex asked. Michael gave a soft sigh of disbelief, his shoulders dropping.

"Really, Alex?" Alex didn't budge. "It was about the roles the different women in Okonkwo's life played."

"Length?"

Michael gave a soft, pathetic whine. Alex leaned back against the wall, thighs spread wide, and letting Michael continue to bounce up on his toes.

"1,534 words, double spaced," Michael answered.

"And?"

"And MLA format, c'mon, Alex," he groaned. Alex allowed a small smile and raised his hand, gesturing him forward. Michael broke out in a smile, barrelling forward to fit between his thighs and his lips meeting Alex's.

Alex locked his legs around his hips, holding onto the back of his head as he kissed him without thought. It was slow, deep, deliberate as Michael pressed in as much as he could. Alex leaned his head against the wall, Michael holding his hips at the edge of the desk to keep them close to his.

Touching him made it obvious how pent up with unused energy he was. He didn't have practice this morning, leaving him extra antsy and needing an outlet. Alex started to push off his letterman jacket with one hand, leading his head to the crook of his neck. Michael shook off the jacket and audibly sighed in relief as Alex touched his arm, slipping under the short sleeve.

"That why you couldn't wait?" Alex asked, voice breathy as Michael skillfully kissed and bit at his neck without leaving a mark. He pulled up the bottom of his shirt to touch more of his skin, feeling the way it helped him relax.

"I just," Michael whispered, pausing just for a second to speak as he squeezed Alex's hips, "There's so much fucking chaos in my head, sometimes I just need you to make it shut the fuck up."

"Sex is really that distracting for you?" Alex asked, laughter in his voice. To him, sleeping with people definitely didn't make his brain stop. If anything, it made him think more.

"No," Michael breathed, his face still in Alex's neck, "It's just you."

Alex felt his entire body go rigid and he thought about pushing him away. It felt like he crossed some sort of unspoken line, but he hadn't. Not really. It was just... A lot.

"Dreaming about you was actually kinda nice, sexy outfit aside,” Michael admitted, huffing a laugh, "Woke up feeling well rested for once."

"Um," Alex breathed, swallowing harder than he meant to. He let his legs drop from where they were locked around his hips. "Maybe we should..."

"Nah, I'm good, sorry," Michael said, lifting his head and kissing him again. Alex pushed away his concerns probably a little too effectively, focusing on his lips as he grabbed a handful of his hair.

They kissed and touched until the bell rang. That part was unintentional and they had to be each other's mirror, fixing up each other's hair and their clothes to make sure they looked normal whenever they went to their next class. Alex deliberately avoided eye contact, not ready to face the weird admissions that came up.

"So, uh, you'll come over after you get out of band practice?" Michael clarified before they left.

"Do I need to? I mean, you already finished your paper," Alex pointed out. Michael's eyes flickered over his face.

"Uh, yeah, right, nevermind," Michael said, putting some space between them until his back hit a stack of chairs and he jumped. Alex furrowed his eyebrows. That was easily the least smooth he'd ever seemed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Michael said firmly, "Sanders is just working late and I had some math homework, but yeah I'm good."

"You're good at math, Guerin," Alex laughed.

"I know," Michael said, a smile slowly coming to his face, "Which is why I said I'm good. Let's go, don't wanna be late."

Alex left first, waiting outside the gym as Michael locked up both the office and the gym. His better judgment told him to put more space between them, let Michael take some space so he could realize whatever he was feeling wasn't real. It'd be gone as soon as he gave it some thought and Alex needed to avoid hurting himself.

But, as Michael locked the gym door and the bell rang telling him he was late for class, Alex didn't budge.

"So, I'll see you after practice?" Alex said. Michael looked at him with wide eyes, but it slowly bled into a sweet smile and he nodded.

Alex headed to class, knowing he was making a mistake and refusing to have any regrets. 

“Why did Mrs. Doyle need you?” Maria asked when he took his seat beside her. He looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“Huh?” 

“The art teacher? The one who called you out of class?” Maria filled in, but she soon realized something and her eyes widened, “Wait, you don’t even take art, Alex, what‒”

“Shh, class is starting.” 

He avoided her questioning looks and changed the subject when she tried to bring it up. Eventually he’d probably have to talk about it, but it was much more fun to completely avoid that. He didn’t think he ever wanted people to know he was hooking up with Michael Guerin, at least not while he was in high school. Maybe he’d brag about it in a few years.

After practice, he quickly headed to the car that had been passed down through all of his brothers and started his drive to the back of junkyard where Michael lived in a trailer with Old Man Sanders. Halfway through, his phone started ringing. The only reason he answered it was because of the name across his screen.

“There better be a good reason you’re calling because you interrupted a really good song,” Alex said playfully. His brother’s laugh was clear on the other side of the call, clear enough to tell Alex he was actually somewhere with good reception.

“I can hang up and leave you to it, but I had a small window and I wanted to make sure you were all good,” Flint said. Alex smiled easily. He missed Flint more than he ever thought he would. Their relationships got better once he was out of the house and they weren’t being directly put against each other anymore. 

“Yeah, Dad’s been chill lately,” Alex said.

“Good, good,” Flint said softly.

“Where are you now?”

“Uh, can’t say, you know how it is,” he said. Alex rolled his eyes.

“What’s the point of it being called the family business if you can’t tell family?”

“You know how it is, Alex, you’re not  _ quite  _ a Manes Man yet.”

“I turn 18 in super soon and Dad is already trying to talk to me about the Air Force which means that eventually he’s going to have the whole Family Business talk with me,” Alex said, annoyance in his voice. He was always stuck in this weird middle ground where he both felt left out and wanted nothing to do with it. The idea of being under his dad’s thumb for his whole life sounded like hell, but there was something kind of cool about their multi-generational dynasty of researchers. He didn’t know too much about exactly what they did, but he knew rich people paid them a lot of money for it. Alex was pretty sure they were spies. “I should get to know where my own brothers are.”

“Well, you know where Greg and Clay are, isn’t that close enough?” Flint teased.

“Clay is boring and Greg gives me history lessons every time I ask him where he is,” Alex groaned, “At least you go cool places.”

“It’s because I’m the coolest,” Flint bragged. Alex rolled his eyes. “Here, I’ll give you a hint: it’s really fucking cold.”

“Canada?” Alex guessed, “Somewhere in Europe? You promised if you went back to Europe you’d get me something.”

“Good thing I’m not in Europe,” Flint laughed, “Not in Canada either. But, hey, look, I gotta go, I was just checking in.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to get out of talking to me before I can figure out where you are.”

“You got me,” Flint said, “But I also have to actually go. I’ll try to come see you soon.”

“Bring me something cool when you do.”

“I’ll do my best. Alright, love you, bye, weirdo.”

“Bye!”

Alex ended the call just as parked behind Michael’s truck and it wasn’t long before he found himself in his kitchen, mixing together ingredients to make cookies as the oven preheated and forgetting all about Flint. Michael had been the one to offer to make the cookies, to give them something to eat while they did homework, but it quickly turned into Alex doing all the work and neither of them was surprised by that.

Nor were they surprised when Michael still wanted something to do. Alex let himself focus on the kisses Michael was putting on his neck, his eyes slowly closing as he completely forgot what he was doing and rough hands slid beneath his shirt. He didn’t know what the hell had gotten into Michael today. He was always touchy, but today he’d brought it to an all new level. Alex didn’t say anything. He liked how desired it made him feel.

However, that only lasted up until the moment they heard his dad’s truck drive up. Alex pushed him off and pulled up the collar of his shirt to wipe his neck dry. Michael quickly hopped up to sit on the other side of the oven, effectively putting a few feet between them by the time Old Man Sanders walked inside.

“Boys,” he said, putting his keys on the hook beside the door.

“Sanders,” Michael said, mimicking the gruff tone of his voice. 

“Hi, Mr. Sanders,” Alex said, giving the most respectful smile he could manage. Sanders was probably used to him being here at this point considering Alex found himself at Michael’s at least twice a week. He was a very dedicated tutor, after all. However, Alex was taught nothing if not to give the best impression to adults as possible.

Sanders, however, never seemed to put up the same over the top act. He walked closer, peering into the bowl of half mixed cookie dough with a raised eyebrow.

“Y’all planning on making dinner or just desert?”

“Haven’t decided,” Michael answered. Sanders nodded.

“Alright,” he said. He looked at Alex and then over to Michael. “Make sure you leave that door open, you know this trailer has thin walls.”

Alex held his breath and Michael’s eyes widened. “Dude!”

“Don’t act like that, I know you.”

“Alex is my  _ tutor, _ ” Michael pointed out. Alex wanted to laugh. As if that would stop him.

“Well it ain’t Alex I’m worried about,” Sanders said. Michael watched him with an unreadable expression until Sanders reached up to ruffle his hair. “Relax, I’m messing with you, boy. You know I trust you more than my own eyes. But I still don’t need Sargent Jackass thinking you corrupted his boy. No offense.”

“None taken,” Alex laughed, letting himself relax when he realized he didn’t care. Sanders suspected something and he didn’t care. That was kind of nice.

“Good kid,” Sanders said, taking a deep breath, “Well, make sure you feed that dog. Alex, you can stay as late as you need.”

Sanders shuffled back to his bedroom and shut the door behind him. Michael leaned his ear against the wall, holding a finger out to Alex to tell him to wait. Alex just rolled his eyes and went back to stirring. Seconds after the shower turned on, Michael was back to being pressed up against him and taking his ear between his teeth.

“Oh, I’m gonna corrupt you alright,” Michael said, voice rough as he pulled Alex’s ass as close as he physically could.

Alex gasped playfully, grabbing his wrists and easily flipping them so Michael’s back was the counter. Michael’s eyes widened and his smile was borderline filthy as Alex pushed up against him. He leaned in close and Michael’s eyes drifted down to his lips before meeting his eyes again.

“You know better than anyone that there’s not much left to corrupt,” Alex said softly, “And what happened to asking?”

Michael nodded, still grinning as he looked at him with those dopey eyes.

“Right, sorry,” he said, “Can you please spit in my‒”

“I’m gonna finish these cookies,” Alex said, gently pushing him out of the way. Michael laughed softly, but he stayed put as Alex did just that.

He eventually found himself on the floor of the living room as the cookies baked. Michael was reading his essay and Alex laid, cuddling their old dog that only answered to the name  _ Dog  _ even though Sanders tried to give him a million names that never stuck. So he cuddled Dog and listened to Michael read and smelled the cookies that were baking. It was nice and homey in a way that made him never want to leave.

It stayed nice as they went over the physics lecture while eating cookies. It stayed nice when Michael fed Dog and suggested they go to his bedroom so they didn’t have to listen to him eat. It stayed nice when his books ended up on the floor and Michael ended up in his lap. It was even nice when Michael bit into his shoulder to keep quiet.

“Okay, so we have 4x²+12x=135, so how does that factor?”

Alex was laying in Michael’s bed, half naked and body still a little hazy as he focused on the homework that he came over to do in the first place. Michael was distracting, but he was going to at least pretend to help with his homework.

“Hmm,” Michael hummed, flopping down beside him after replacing his briefs, “Both factors start with -2x, right?”

“Right,” Alex confirmed, smiling a little to himself. Michael was a math genius and algebra was his specialty, but Alex quite enjoyed when he was able to fog up his brain to the point he had to actually think. “So factors of 135 are 3 and 45, 5 and 27, and 9 and 15, so which of those pairings help you get the factors of the equation?”

“What was it again?” Michael asked, voice genuinely a little lost. Alex rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling as he felt Michael roll closer to peer over his shoulder.

“4x²+12x=135,” Alex repeated. In the middle of his reading, though, Michael had gone back to kissing on his neck. “Hey, pay attention.”

“I am, I am, keep talking,” Michael urged, his hand sliding down until it started to edge past the waistband of Alex’s unbuttoned jeans.

“Keep  _ talking?” _ Alex laughed, playfully nudging him before squirming a little as Michael's thumb pressed against the hickey he'd left on his ass that was still a little sensitive, “Are you getting off on me reading you equations?”

“You’re just so hot,” Michael breathed, but Alex wasn’t too stupid to hear the concealed  _ yes  _ in his words. He laughed and rolled onto his side, shoving Michael gently.

“You are! You fucking weirdo,” Alex teased, still laughing as Michael rested his head on the bed now that Alex had rolled away. He had that endlessly fond smile that he only gave when they were alone, his curls flopping towards the bed because of gravity. He was ridiculously gorgeous and overwhelmingly sweet. But that was too close to feelings, so Alex looked back to the math. “And you say that  _ I’m  _ a nerd.”

“What if I read you some Shakespeare, would you get turned on then?” Michael questioned. Alex just rolled his eyes and did his best to focus. Michael settled against his back, peering over his shoulder. “Okay, where were we?”

“Yeah, where were we?” Alex echoed.

Thirty minutes passed as Alex talked over Michael's homework. A few minutes in he'd resigned to the understanding that Michael wasn't really listening. He'd rested his head against Alex's back, his eyelashes brushing his skin as they closed and didn't reopen by the time Alex reached the third question. The only reason he knew he hadn't fallen asleep was because, at some point, he'd begun to play with Alex's fingers and he hadn't stopped.

It was weirdly peaceful between them. They didn't  _ do _ this. They didn't cuddle or touch unless it was leading to something else. That made it feel less like convenience and more like he actually wanted to be here. It made things blurry in a way Alex wasn't prepared for. So why wasn't he putting a stop to it?

After a moment, he found himself not even focusing on the math anymore. Instead his eyes stayed on the way Michael's rough fingers rubbed against Alex's precise calluses that came from playing a stringed instrument every day for years. It was a drastic contrast, similar to the one that came with Michael's torn up nails and Alex's neatly painted ones.

"You need to stop biting your nails," Alex told him softly. Michael breathed in heavily like he was being woken up, lifting his head off Alex's back and leaving him cold.

"Paint them for me and maybe I'll stop," he said, voice rough and sleepy in a way that struck Alex in his chest.

"Wouldn't you get made fun of?" Alex asked.

"Fuck 'em," Michael said. That paired with the cuddling and the whole dream comment from before was... _ a lot _ . Alex cleared his throat.

"Okay."

Within a few minutes, Alex found himself perched on Michael's lap and a bottle of nail polish balancing on his math homework. It was a pretty compromising position, both of them shirtless and disregarding the homework he was here for, but Alex couldn't bring himself to mind.

"I wish I could see the look on Valenti's face when he sees this," Alex said, painting the black varnish over his nails. They were short and torn up, the skin around them just as bitten, and Alex knew his work would be messed up within a couple days, but he kept on nonetheless.

"Nah, he won't actually care. The dude tries so hard to fit in that he forgets to have his own opinions. He won't react until someone else does first," Michael told him. He looked dazed and sleepy, his cocky walls thrown to the wind. It was Alex's favorite version of him.

"Still. I don't know how you deal with all of that shit."

Michael shrugged. "It's not like I'm out or anything, so it’s not at me."

"Yeah, but doesn't it bother you hearing them say homophobic shit? I don't think I could stay quiet all the time," Alex said, raising Michael hand closer to his lips. He blew on his nails gently before swapping hands. His freshly painted one rested on Alex's thigh.

"It's easier to stay quiet," Michael admitted. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Then aren't you just doing the same thing Kyle does?"

"I don't conform so much that I lose myself," Michael said, shifting a little bit as his eyes focused somewhere to Alex's left. "I, uh, I just spent so much of my life in foster care and bouncing around to shitty houses where silence was the best option. It's not an easy habit to unlearn."

"Oh," Alex said, eyes widening a little, "I didn't know that."

"Yeah," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "Once you hit a certain age, they just start putting you in group homes because most families don't want to foster teenage boys. I get it, I guess, but the one I was in last was hell. Everything I did was wrong and I paid for it."

"How'd you end up with Old Man Sanders, then?" Alex asked.

"Long story," Michael said, "But basically he found out I was sleeping in one of the abandoned trucks in the junkyard and instead of sending me back, he went through all the work to get certified to foster and went through hell to get me in his care. I basically just got really fucking lucky."

"Sounds like it," Alex agreed. He didn't have the right words for it and, honestly, he wasn't sure he'd say them if he did. Michael was sharing more than he usually did. They were still in this weird middle ground of doing things they didn't do and Alex didn't want to pop the bubble.

"But my point is that it's not as easy as just speaking your mind," Michael said. Alex nodded, switching hands again to put a second coat. He thought about doing a third coat just to have an excuse to stay in his lap.

"Reminds me of my brother," Alex admitted. Michael laughed and Alex glanced at his face for a second, that easy smile on his lips.

"Your brother? That's a funny way to say you don't think I'm hot," Michael teased. Alex rolled his eyes.

"I meant the whole conformity thing. He used to have a personality, I think, and sometimes he’s still cool, but somewhere along the line he just stopped fighting. It was easier to keep his mouth shut and do what my dad said. Even now he does that, goes where my dad tells him to. I never really got it, but I guess you have a point," Alex said, “I’m just not a fan.”

"You've just got massive balls, dude," Michael said, shaking his head, "Seriously, I know I joke that you're just a band geek, but it takes balls to be you and refuse to conform no matter what. It's... It's really impressive. Sometimes I wish I could be like you."

Alex stared at him for a long minute. He didn't know what earned him this version of this man but he didn't want to go back. He let himself be a little reckless; he let himself fall just a bit.

He leaned in for a kiss and it was welcomed. Michael wrapped one arm around Alex and placed his free hand on his cheek. It felt so natural to be with him in this way and that in itself was overwhelming. But, in the morning, they'd go back to normal. Tonight was a fluke.

Michael tightened his grip on him and moved so Alex's back was pressed into the mattress. Alex weaved his hands into his hair and wrapped his legs around his hips. Michael was warm and relaxed, just comfortable with being with him. Alex had an unhealthy attachment to it. He needed to put space between them before he got his heart broken. 

He pulled Michael closer.

They shared breath as Michael kept the pace slow, each kiss seeming to hold their own distinct and equally important purpose. Alex's heart was slamming in his chest and he didn't mind. 

He dragged his hand over his back. Michael had scars all over him, almost as much as Alex, and he kept them covered with clothes as often as possible. But here he was bare and Alex could feel them. He put his hand flat against the small of his back, pulling him down even more. Michael smiled.

It was all ruined by Alex's alarm going off.

"What the fuck is that?" Michael asked, lifting his head just barely. Alex shoved his shoulders gently. 

"I gotta go," Alex said, sitting up and reaching for his shirt after he turned his curfew warning alarm off.

"Go? Dude, it's late, just stay," Michael urged softly, that same voice from earlier that day when he asked Alex to come over despite not needing his help. A hand crossed over the front of his chest, trying to push him back into bed. Alex pushed his hand away, hoping it would also push away the butterflies that filled his stomach at the request to  _ just stay _ .

"My dad would freak out if I did that," Alex said. 

"What happened to not conforming?" Michael asked. Alex rolled his eyes.

"Not the same thing," Alex told him. Michael still had that look on his face like he actually didn't want him to go. And Alex really didn't want to. "I gotta go."

"But…" he said, his eyes darting around the room as if it would give him an excuse to make Alex stay. "At least let me drive you home."

"I drove here," Alex laughed. Michael scowled and gave an irritated pout. Alex made the questionable decision to kiss it off his face. When he pulled away, Michael's eyes were still closed and he signed.

"This is torture, you know that, right?" Michael groaned. Alex stood up and Michael collapsed onto the pillow. It was only then that Alex realized the bottle of nail polish hadn't spilled. He didn't comment on it as he reached over to grab it and closed it.

"You already got off tonight and you have two whole hands, so I don't consider it torture," Alex said decidedly, slipping the bottle into his pocket. 

Michael wrapped the pillow up in his arms, cuddling into it as he stared up at Alex with those eyes that were hard to deny. Part of him wanted to cave and crawl back into bed, but a much bigger part knew that would only be bad for him. He needed to take a day or two away from him and reset so he didn't end up catching feelings. Or,  _ more _ feelings.

"You're so mean to me."

"Shut up," Alex laughed, stepping into his shoes. He picked up his bag and pulled it over his head. Michael still looked utterly pathetic. "You know, for a jock, you're pretty whiny."

"Fuck you."

"I know you want to," Alex teased. Michael breathed in deep.

"God, I really,  _ really _ do."

"I'll see you whenever," Alex laughed, grabbing his keys.

"Tomorrow," Michael corrected. Alex smiled and opened his bedroom door.

"Tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has officially caught feelings and he's working up the courage to admit them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> specific warnings for this chapter: homophobia and Kyle being a teenage dirtbag
> 
> if i missed any, please let me know!

Michael broke out the nail polish remover the next morning.

As much as he wanted to flaunt the black nail polish with pride, he wasn’t in the mood to have anyone assuming things that he wasn’t ready to share. And by anyone, he specifically means Isobel and Max. They knew Alex was his tutor and they knew he wore black nail polish, it wasn’t a stretch to figure out that he did it. And if they saw that he did that, they’d probably assume Michael let him do other things too.

Max, Isobel, and Michael had all made an agreement when they were young that they would have to settle for having each other. They wouldn’t date and they  _ definitely  _ wouldn’t swap bodily fluids with humans. They didn’t know what kind of damage they could do to a human and they also couldn’t risk anyone finding out what they were.

As far as he knew, Max and Isobel had kept that promise. Michael, however, had lost that battle awhile ago. He lost his virginity the same night he had his first kiss, namely because he lied to the girl that he’d already kissed someone before, and he went on such a shame spiral that even now, over a year later, he hadn’t told Isobel and Max that it was safe. He was too scared to.

He was extra cautious, obviously. He wore condoms, he pulled out, he made sure to keep bodily fluids in general to a minimum just in case. With the four people before Alex, it’d been easy. He slept with them and then he’d feel guilty and he wouldn’t talk to them again. Occasionally they’d tell other people and he would deny it and he would hate himself for it. Even now, he harbored so much guilt when it came to sex. He wasn’t sure if it was solely because of Isobel and Max or if the religious group home he stayed in for the first four years in Roswell actually instilled some of their religious shame, but it was still there.

But then there was Alex. He had no shame and no fear. Not about that kind of stuff, anyway. He was still cautious, but there was something about Alex that made him relax enough to fully enjoy himself. It’d been only about a month of it and he still regularly made sure it wasn’t fucking Alex up, but it felt safe. It was nice to let go for once.

What wasn’t as nice was the fact that he could tell shit was changing. Alex was the only person he’d hooked up with more than once and it was very obviously taking a toll on him. He wanted to see him more, wanted to touch him in ways that weren’t just to hook up. And then last night seemed different and it locked in all those fuzzy feelings for good. Hell, he was pissed that Alex couldn’t stay the night. He wanted to just lay with him for hours. Which was something he couldn’t do. Not when Isobel and Max couldn’t know. 

He still wanted Alex. Dorky, talented, sweet Alex.

Michael pushed that thought completely out of his mind by the time he got into his truck to head to school. He had early practice to take care of which would hopefully remind him that being with Alex wasn’t an option. Even if it was fun and the nicest thing he ever got for himself.

The first half of the day went by quickly as he did his best to stop thinking about Alex. Which would’ve been significantly easier if he didn’t look completely fine while Michael was mentally planning their wedding. 

Lunch rolled around and Michael sat with Isobel and Max, mindlessly shoveling fries into his mouth as he watched Alex with the rest of the band geeks. He was laughing and joking and didn’t look at him once. It was almost annoying. Didn’t he think the night before was different too? Or did Michael see something that wasn’t actually there on Alex’s end?

“Earth to Michael?”

He looked over to see both Max and Isobel looking at him with sheer concern. Which was warranted. He was fucking up and he wasn’t even hiding it. But how could he? No matter how much he tried to distract himself, he kept picturing Alex back in his bed and kissing him and listening to him whisper words of affirmation during sex. That was always nice.

“Who are you even looking at? Alex?” Max asked. Michael shrugged in response and they both fell quiet.

“You like him,” Isobel whispered. He didn’t respond right away and Isobel smacked his hand with her spoon.

“Hey!” he scoffed.

“You can’t like him,” she said, shaking her head, “And you know why.”

“I know, I know,” Michael sighed, slumping back in his seat, “It’s just so hard when he’s right there, you know?”

“Do you need someone to come with you during tutoring sessions?” Max asked. Michael rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a kid, I do have self-control,” Michael said and hoped that he wasn’t revealing just how little control he actually had when it came to Alex. 

“Maybe you should dial it back though? I’m sure studying with him every day isn’t helping,” Isobel suggested, “I’m just trying to help.”

Michael stared at them and questioned if it might actually be worth it to just tell them. But what if they’re angry? What if they distance themselves from him because he’s risking their safety? What if, what if, what if.

“I’m fine. Seriously. We’re just friends. I can have friends, can’t I?” Michael sighed, looking back over to Alex. He caught his eye for the first time that day and Alex just smiled before looking back to his friends. Fuck.

“Guerin!”

Michael’s eyes snapped from Alex to Kyle who was strolling up to him. He had a love/hate relationship with him that was two sided. Kyle was a good player and he was nice when he wanted to be, but he was a follower and it got annoying and Michael knew he was pissed that he made quarterback. But that wasn’t his fault. He was just better.

“Yeah?" Michael said.

"Afterparty, my house," Kyle said. Michael had made a habit of stealing a couple hours with Alex after his games and his eyes instinctually went towards Alex. He could say no, but then they'd ask questions. And saying no to Alex wasn't an option.

"Can I bring someone?" Michael asked. Kyle raised an eyebrow and looked at Max and Isobel. "Not them."

"Who?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Whatever, man, just no one who's gonna trash the place," Kyle said, walking away. Michael rolled his eyes. As if the team wasn't going to destroy it enough. 

When he looked back to Isobel and Max, they were looking at him with wary eyes. He shrugged.

"I'm allowed to have friends other than you guys."

"Yeah, but…" 

"I promise I'm not going to do something stupid."

They didn't say anything, but they both seemed to think he absolutely was.

-

" _ Motherfucker _ ." 

"Sorry, sorry," Michael said, trying to hold back his giggles as he put his hand beneath Alex's head even though he'd already hit it on the side mirror of the truck. "You okay?'

"Stop laughing, you asshole," Alex spat, glaring at him. He pushed Michael away and felt the back of his head, checking to see that there wasn't any blood. There wasn't. 

"I'm not laughing," Michael said even though he was a little bit. Not because he hit his head, but because he was feeling more than a little giddy. Alex had come over without Michael having to ask him to under the guise of doing homework and had all but pulled Michael out of his truck the moment they got to his trailer. He’d pressed Michael into the side of his truck to kiss him which was all fun and games until he tried to flip them and forgot how close they were to the mirror. “For real, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, no thanks to you,” Alex said, still glaring.

“You want me to kiss it better?” Michael offered. Alex rolled his eyes and shoved his shoulder. Instead of pushing him entirely though, he used the movement to grab a fistful of his letterman and pull him in. Michael smiled and leaned in closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He could feel Alex relax in response. “Let’s go inside.”

Michael unlocked the trailer door and Alex followed. They pet Dog on the way to his room, but closed the door to it before he could follow. There was whining for a couple seconds before he quickly got bored of it and went back into the living room.

“So,” Alex said, looking at with eyes that could destroy Michael if he wanted to, “What happened to fuck ‘em?” 

Michael smiled and slowly walked closer, holding his hands up in surrender and telekinetically locked the door while Alex was distracted. Alex's eyes immediately were drawn to his clean nails again before looking back to his eyes. He was so calm. It really did seem like the night before wasn't all that different to him at all.

"I can explain that," Michael said, "My friends would've put it together and I was protecting your modesty."

Alex rolled his eyes, but he wasn't smiling. Not even kind of. Michael watched him cautiously as Alex crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're really that scared of people knowing you're bi?" Alex asked. Michael blinked once, twice, three times as he processed the question. He shrugged.

"No, it's not that. Isobel and Max already know," he said. And they did know. Even if they only found out this morning from him staring too much. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

"So it's me?" 

Michael's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"No," he said, stepping closer, "Why? Do you… Do you want people to know?"

"No," Alex answered easily and Michael wasn't sure if he should be offended or not, "But I also don't wanna sleep with someone who thinks I'm an embarrassment."

"Definitely not," Michael insisted. He stood close, waiting for the green light he needed. Alex didn't exactly give him one. "Are you mad at me for taking it off?" 

"No," Alex scoffed, "I  _ am _ mad at you for making me hit my head."

"I'm sorry," Michael laughed, "Seriously. How can I make it up to you?"

Alex pursed his lips and pretended to think about it. Michael bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head. He stepped out of shoes, kicking them out of the way before dropping his letterman on the floor. Alex's faux-thinking face had been replaced with a wild little smile.

"Blowjob, your highness?" Michael asked. Alex laughed that sweet laugh of his and pushed Michael's shoulder, but he retaliated by basically tackling him to the bed. Alex laughed louder as Michael tickles his sides, loud enough to make Dog bark from the other room and loud enough to make Michael's heart grow tenfold like he was the fucking Grinch.

"Stop!” Alex laughed and Michael reluctantly did, still smiling as he rested his weight on top of Alex who draped his arms around his neck, “I'm judging you so hard right now.”

"Judge yourself, you're the one in my bed."

"It's a pretty nice place to be," Alex said and it was enough to shut him up. He stared at him for a second and realized he was a goner. No going back. And that was okay. He'd handle the consequences later. 

"Do you wanna come to a party Friday night after the game?" Michael asked. Alex's smile faltered and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"A party?" he repeated, skepticism in his tone. Michael kept it casual and shrugged.

"Yeah, Valenti's throwing it, but it could still be fun."

"Pass," Alex decided. 

"I have to go though and we usually hook up on Fridays."

"I mean, just for the last couple weeks, I wouldn't say usually," Alex said. Michael's stomach dropped, but he wasn't ready to back out yet. "We can skip this week."

"I don't want to," Michael said, "Come. It'll be fun and you can stay the night after and I'll do whatever you want." 

"Whatever I want?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. A thought crossed his mind that he might regret it, but he figured there was nothing Alex could do to make him regret anything. "Why the hell do you want me to go anyway?"

"Look," Michael said, swallowing his pride, "I… I felt like last night was different, didn't you?" Alex visibly held his breath and Michael quickly covered his tracks. "I was thinking we could chill as, like, friends? Or something. We can be friends, right?" 

"And you wanna start that at Kyle Valenti's party? Do you know how horrible that sounds?"

"Stay close to me and no one will say shit to you, I promise," Michael said, "I just wanna hang out with you."

"Can't we do that not at Kyle Valenti's party? I really don’t want to go to his house," Alex grumbled. Michael stared at him. He didn't have a good reason why he wanted so badly for it to be at Kyle Valenti's party. Maybe because it means integrating Alex into that part of him, maybe because it was public enough for him to keep his composure, or maybe it was because he didn't want to explain why he ditched an after-party to smother himself in Alex Manes. 

"I said I'd do  _ anything _ ." 

"Too vague, gotta offer something specific."

"Okay, you're being diffi–"

"And nothing sexual, 'cause you do those with or without the party."

"Oh, come on!"

Alex smiled slightly, combing his fingers through Michael’s curls. Michael gravitated lower and kissed him slow. He hummed against his lips, ending the kiss and giving him a few pecks over and over before looking at him expectantly. Michael dragged his finger across his neck and plucked the collar of his shirt.

“Oh, you know what, your birthday’s coming up, isn’t it? I’ll have your payment then,” Michael said. 

“Tell me.”

“I gotta think of something and I’m also not about to spoil your present,” he argued. Alex rolled his eyes which was juxtaposed to the fact his socked foot was slowly gliding up Michael’s leg. 

“What happens if it isn’t good enough?”

“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life doing whatever you want, I guess,” Michael decided. Alex eyed him like he was deciding something important, his thumb reaching out and slowly tracing over his bottom lip. And Michael waited patiently.

“You really want me to go to this party, don’t you?” Alex asked. Michael nodded.

"No one's gonna fuck with you, I'm gonna make sure of it," he promised. Alex took a deep breath and nodded.

"Fine, okay," he agreed. Michael smiled so wide that his cheeks hurt and Alex rolled his eyes. 

Alex pulled him into another kiss and Michael decided he'd be okay if he never stopped.

-

Michael waited down the block from Alex's house, using his telekinesis to make the necklace hanging from his rearview mirror swing.

It was on the way from the school to Kyle Valenti's house, so it all worked out. He was a little nervous for the party, but he just needed to show his face for a little while and get out as soon as possible so he could spend the night taking Alex apart. Sex with Alex had always been good, but, ever since Tuesday night, it'd been fucking  _ phenomenal _ . He wasn't sure what had actually changed, maybe just the fact that he didn't feel the need to come up with an excuse. 

The truck door opened and Michael just let the necklace keep swinging as he looked over to Alex. His eyes immediately widened. Instead of Alex's typical all black clothing, he had light wash jeans, a slightly worn red polo that looked like he might've stolen it from Kyle's closet, and normal sneakers in lieu of his combat boots. He still had makeup on, but it was  _ very _ light in an uncharacteristic way and his hair was all combed.

"What are you  _ wearing _ ?" Michael scoffed. He still looked good, but it was not like himself. Alex looked at him like this was torture. And maybe it was. But he was going to make up for it.

"If anyone perceives me, I will scream," Alex said. Michael huffed a laugh.

“Don’t you think people will notice you even more if you show up looking so different?” he asked. Alex stared at him for a moment and took a few deep breaths before he sighed and grabbed the collar of his shirt. 

Michael laughed as he traded the Valenti-inspired shirt for a black long sleeved Blondie shirt with handmade, purposeful rips and holes. He ran his hands through his hair a few times to mess it up. He even pulled out a small eyeshadow palette and rubbed his index finger in the black, mindlessly putting it on his eyelids without a mirror. Then he put his ring finger in the red and put that beneath his eyes which kind of looked like he had two black eyes, but it felt purposeful and antagonistic which made it work.

"Better?" Alex asked. Michael was smiling at him a little helplessly. He was unfairly hot.

"You wanna go back and get your boots?"

"If I get out of this truck, I can't promise I'll come back knowing I'm being taken to Kyle Valenti's house," Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes at the exaggeration and rolled his eyes, putting his truck in first gear.

"Can I have a kiss then?" he asked. Alex looked at him like he was testing his patience, so Michael just flashed a smile and batted his eyelashes. A hand was placed on his cheek, though, and he could feel the cool metal of his rings as he was pulled in for a lazy kiss.

But then it ended sooner than he wanted.

"Thirty minutes and then we leave," Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes.

"I have to stay for at least an hour."

"Forty five minutes."

"Alex–"

"Forty five minutes, I sit in the car for the last fifteen, you buy me dinner,  _ and  _ I sleep on the edge of the bed, not by the wall."

"Sold," Michael agreed, laughing slightly and he stole another kiss and then focused on actually driving.

Alex had only actually been in his truck once before and it’d been to hook up while it was raining and he couldn’t come over. Now, though, he fiddled with the radio like he owned the place. Michael personally felt like he was sitting too far away. They were friends, right? He could sit close if he wanted to. But, clearly, he didn’t want to, so Michael didn’t push.

Kyle Valenti lived in a relatively secluded house in the desert which made it a nice spot to throw a rager while his parents were having a nice weekend away. When they pulled up, there were already trucks and cars lining the driveway. Michael parked and looked over to Alex. He was staring straight ahead and breathing methodically.

“Forty five minutes,” Alex said.

“Forty five minutes,” Michael promised.

They were able to file into the party without much attention being drawn to them. A couple people looked at Alex sideways or congratulated Michael on a good game, but for the most part they were far too entranced in their own bullshit.

“See? No one cares,” Michael said as they found the kitchen. Alex didn’t really react, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes more on the floor than other people. Michael put his hand on his back and leaned closer to be heard over the music that was shaking the walls. “You good?”

“I didn’t say I would act like I want to be here,” Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes.

“ _ Try  _ to have fun, will you?” he asked. Michael liked partying and he liked the idea of Alex being with him when he did. He didn’t like that Alex was dead set on being miserable. Alex looked at him.

“No.”

“Fine,” Michael said, “Do you mind if I drink?”

“Do you mind if I drive your truck home?”

“Right, got it, water,” Michael agreed. He gave Alex a smile in a probably failed attempt to cheer him up. He was doing his best not to be frustrated with him for being such a downer. He was here like Michael asked and that definitely mattered.

“Alex!”

They both looked over to see Liz by the fridge, holding her cup with her hand over it. She looked confused despite her smile and she held her free hand out towards him. Alex stayed put as she moved towards him, giving him a hug. He visibly lightened up in her grasp and Michael stupidly felt a little jealous that he wasn’t able to provide that same effect.

“What are you doing here? You hate parties!” Liz said. Alex shrugged a shoulder and nodded in Michael’s direction.

“Bribery from my student,” Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Not your student,” he said.

“Mhm, sure,” Alex said, though a smile played on his lips. Michael wasn’t stupid enough to think it had nothing to do with Liz’s hand on his side. She stayed physically close to him like she didn’t even need to be told or sober to be an anchor. Michael understood that.

“Wow, I didn’t know you guys hung out outside of studying,” Liz said, looking between them. They both shrugged it off, but she had a curious look in her eye. Michael assumed she’d know what was going on by the end of the night. “That’s fun.”

“Yeah, I think so too,” Michael agreed. 

“Oh!” Liz said, nearly choking on her drink as she thought of something mid-sip, “Perfect time to tell you about that guy Rosa went on a date with!”

“The one with the motorcycle?”

“Yes! Alex, his name is  _ Scar. _ ”

Michael sat there in the kitchen for a solid thirty minutes with Liz and Alex, laughing along to their stories. Alex was lighter when he was with her and he made jokes. They let him join the conversation with ease and he didn’t feel like he had to pick and choose. It had him wondering if maybe he’d miscalculated. He thought of the conforming thing he and Alex had talked about and considered that bringing him here around people neither of them liked wasn’t the right way to see how he fit. Maybe he should bring him around Isobel and Max…

Suddenly, a sharp pain hit Michael's brain and he could feel Isobel calling to him. It had him doubling over a bit and he pressed his hand to his forehead. Alex instantly put his hand on his back like Michael had done to him when they walked inside. 

“Hey, you okay?” Alex asked. Michael couldn’t even answer as he pulled out his phone. He had five missed calls. Fuck.

"Yeah, I'll be right back," Michael said. Alex furrowed his eyebrows. "Isobel keeps calling, I need to make sure she's cool and it's too loud. You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," Alex said slowly like he was even more lost.

"Just stay by Liz," Michael said, giving his arm a gentle squeeze before quickly leaving him even though he really didn’t want to.

He weaved his way through the crowd until he found the bathroom and he closed the door, immediately calling Isobel back. She answered on the first ring.

"Where are you?"

"At Kyle Valenti's party, where are you? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm waiting for Max to come pick me up from the library, but his phone died so I called you," Isobel whispered. He plugged the other ear to hear her better.

"Okay, what's wrong?"

"I..." she breathed and when she spoke again, her voice was even quieter, "I think I'm being watched."

"Watched?" Michael repeated, "By who? Why would someone be watching you?"

"I don't know," Isobel said, her voice cracking, "But I'm scared."

"Okay, okay, I... I can't really come get you, I’m, like, a twenty-five minute drive away. How far away is Max you think?"

"Um," she breathed, "I-I don't know? A few minutes, I think. Just stay on the phone with me, please?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course," he said. And he did.

They sat on the phone for about six minutes, making small talk about anything and everything to keep her mind off of being scared. He didn't like the idea that she felt like someone was watching her, but he hoped it was just her being paranoid. It was easy to be paranoid when there was an actual thing to fear.

Eventually, though, Max showed up.

"Text me when y’all get home, okay?" Michael said.

"Okay, I will, love you."

"Love you too."

Michael hung up the phone, tried to shake away his worry, and quickly left the bathroom to go find Alex. He went to the kitchen where he'd left them, but he didn't see him anywhere. He furrowed his eyebrows and went into the living room, standing on his toes to see either Liz or Alex in the crowd. There was no sign of them, but he did see a group of guys on his team laughing and mocking body language they decided was gay enough to make fun of. Michael got a bad feeling in his stomach.

"Have any of you seen Liz?" he asked. Where Liz was, Alex was bound to be. Hopefully.

"She left," Johnson said, dramatically rolling his eyes, "Bitch can't even take a joke."

"What joke?" Michael asked, eyeing them, "I wanna laugh."

"She brought the gay kid," Long laughed, "Didn't even ask. Jokes had to be made, she should’ve known that.”

"Oh, she brought him here?" Michael said, playing dumb for the sake of his own composure, "What was the joke?"

"It wasn't even that bad, I don’t know why she freaked out like that," Valenti said, "I just said, you know, he must really like hotdogs."

"Gave him one too!" Johnson laughed, gesturing to the ground. Michael swallowed as he spotted the smashed up hotdog on the floor. He huffed a laugh and hoped that Alex was the one to smash it.

"You wanna know the funniest part about it?" Michael asked.

"What?" Valenti asked. Michael took a heavy breath and looked him in the eye.

"I brought him. Not Liz. He was  _ my _ plus one."

The three of them stopped laughing and the people around them started to listen in. Michael kept his eyes locked on Kyle. He knew he was bringing someone. He should've figured that out.

"For real? You brought him to my house?" Valenti asked, scoffing as if Michael was the one in the wrong. And maybe he was, just definitely not for the reasons Kyle was blaming him for.

“Yeah, I did,” Michael scoffed, “Why do you have to act like such a dick?”

“Why do you have to act like you wanna take one?”

“And what if I do?” Michael asked, throwing his arms out. That quickly made it go incredibly silent. It was stupid of Michael to say, but he was angry and he was still buzzing with anxious energy from Isobel’s call. So he said it anyway. “What are you gonna do? Fuck with me now?”

“You’re…” Long fumbled, eyes wide like he wasn’t quite able to piece it together, “You’re a…”

“Yeah,” Michael said boldly, his eyes still on Kyle. His face was borderline unreadable as he stared at him. It was like he was trying to piece together everything he knew about masculinity and being queer and trying to figure out how Michael could be both. It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so fucking sad. “And I dare you to say shit. Alex might be too ballsy to tell someone, but I  _ will  _ go to Coach and you know what side he’ll take.”

Coach was notoriously intolerant towards the intolerant when it came to his team. They all knew the consequences, namely from when Coleman got thrown off the team for mocking Vasquez’s accent two years back. He didn’t play games and they all knew if Michael told, Kyle would be off the team in seconds.

“So you’ll stop being such a piece of shit to Alex, won’t you?” Michael said. Kyle’s jaw clenched even tighter. “Good luck getting Liz after this.”

Michael didn’t bother saying goodbye or gauging anyone’s reactions as he quickly started to head out of the door. He jogged all the way to his truck in hopes that Alex would be there like they agreed upon, but he wasn’t. Michael’s stomach dropped. This was just too much all at once.

Instead of getting in his truck and driving to find him, Michael just kept jogging down the dark driveway and then down the dark road that led towards town. It took a few minutes before he heard another pair of crunching footsteps and saw a shadow ahead of him.

“Alex!” 

Alex slowed a little, but he didn’t stop walking. Michael caught up fast, though, and grabbed his arm. Alex whipped around and glared at him, his makeup smudged. It was dark, but Michael could tell that he had mustard stains on his shirt.

“I’m so sorry, I swear, I thought they’d leave you alone,” Michael insisted. Alex laughed dryly and tried to smile a little cynically, but it was more than clear that he was about to cry. “Alex, c’mon, let’s just go back to the truck and go to my house.”

“No, you know what, I’m not doing this with you,” Alex said, taking a step back, “Hooking up with you while knowing you’re in the closet is one thing, but being your friend while knowing you hang out with homophobes? Yeah, no, not doing that, I already have enough of those people in my life. I’m not doing this. I’ll be your tutor, but that’s it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Alex, seriously? I know that wasn’t great, but‒”

“That’s not the point!” Alex snapped, a couple tears rolling down his cheeks and breaking Michael’s heart in the process, “I didn’t want to come here! I knew that shit was going to happen and I did it because you wanted me to! You wanted me to go into a place where you  _ knew  _ people there were going to attack me! And I let you! That’s not fair!”

“I know!” Michael said, torn between wanting to move closer and knowing that was a bad idea, “I’m sorry! It was stupid and I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. Hell, I just came out to them, so I’m probably not gonna be invited to anymore parties with them.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Alex asked, shaking his head, “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“I know you didn’t,” Michael said, “But you’re right. I need to stop listening to their bullshit and pretending it doesn’t affect me. I’m trying, okay? And I’m so, so sorry. I thought I could keep you safe, but, you’re right, I shouldn’t have put you in that position in the first place. Please, please, please don’t stop being my friend. I’ll do better. I swear, I’ll do better.”

Alex scoffed,  _ “Friend.” _

“What?”

“If this is how you treat your friends, you’re a shitty friend,” Alex said. Michael licked his lips. He didn’t really know how to say he never really had a friend before to use as a good reference, so he didn’t.

“Well, good thing I don’t wanna be just friends with you.”

Alex stared at him for a moment, so still that the moonlight was able to catch him in just the right way to make him glow. He was stunning even with the makeup running down his face and his stained shirt.

“You have absolute garbage timing,” Alex said, voice a little rough. Michael laughed softly, taking a slow step forward.

“Yeah, probably. But I still mean it,” Michael said honestly, “Please just come back to the truck and we’ll talk. I fucked up, okay? I’ll do better. I’m learning. But I’m out to them, so I have no excuse anymore for being stupid. I’m calling them out from now on, I promise you. I’ll prove it to you if you’ll let me. But I don’t want you walking home in the dark like this, but if you want me to take you home, I will.”

Alex licked his lips and took a few deep breaths, clearly making him wait for it. 

“Can I have your soft pillow when we get to your house?” 

Michael made a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sigh of relief. “Alex, I will literally give you whatever you want.”

That seemed to be the right answer when Alex moved forward and wrapped his arms around his waist for a hug. Michael wrapped him up right back and breathed him in, not even caring that he was probably ruining both of their shirts. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest after the hectic last thirty minutes, he needed it.

“What did Isobel want?” Alex mumbled against his shoulder.

“She got scared and needed me on the phone until Max got there.”

“Oh,” Alex breathed, “Okay.”

“Where did Liz go?”

“Drove off, I guess. I think she was more upset that Kyle was being annoying more than she was actually upset with what he did,” Alex whispered, “I love her, but she’s dumb about boys.”

“It happens to the best of us.”

Alex sniffled and squeezed him before letting go. 

“Can you go get the truck and just come get me? I don’t want to go closer to the house,” Alex said. Michael nodded without hesitation.

“Don’t move,” he said. Alex gave a thumbs up.

Alex spent the night cuddling Dog and Michael decided he was the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is on top of the world. Everything is going great and he doesn't see how anything could go wrong. And then it does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and let this shit begin

“I should probably go home.”

“Says who?”

Alex laughed softly and raked his fingers through Michael’s hair. They’d spent all of Saturday holed up in his bed, watching movies and kissing and talking about whatever, but now it was getting dark. Sanders had already gotten home from work, but he hadn’t said anything about Alex still being there. Yet.

“Your dad is probably annoyed,” Alex laughed. Michael scoffed.

“Sanders thinks you’re an incredible influence on me, so you can stay forever,” Michael stated definitively. Alex laughed again and Michael smiled so wide it had to hurt. But it was cute so that was fine.

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Shh, just stay. If you want to, of course. You can leave if you want to, but I want you here so you’re not overstaying your welcome.”

“Don’t you have that gift of mine to work on to pay me for that shitshow on Friday?” Alex asked. Michael shook his head.

“I think better about what you might like when I’m touching you,” Michael said, his hands sliding over his arm, “Also, I didn’t ask, are you feeling better?”

“I’m fine, Kyle’s just an ass.”

“True, but , look, okay, stay, we have  _ so _ much to talk about.” Alex snorted and raised an eyebrow. 

“Like what?” he asked curiously.

Michael scrunched up his nose and wiggled around a little bit to get comfortable. He eventually rested his cheek on Alex’s chest. It made it hard to see his face, but Alex wrapped his arms around his shoulders and waited for him to come up with an answer. Alex didn’t really want to leave. Home was boring and tense at best. It was way more fun to be here with Michael, his… someone. They hadn’t discussed that yet. Maybe that was on the list of things they needed to talk about.

“Like maybe you coming to my game this Friday?” Michael asked cautiously. Alex froze a little, staring up at the ceiling. 

It was easy to pretend that the stuff that happened the night before was fine, that they were just assholes, that it wasn’t absolutely humiliating. It was also easy to be distracted by the giddy feeling he got when Michael just kissed him and cuddled up to him with no intention to take it further because they didn’t need to pretend they weren’t interested. But Alex was dreading going to school on Monday because he knew there would be a new round of rumors waiting for him. Going to Michael’s game felt like the perfect way to make all of that infinitely worse.

“I hate football,” Alex offered, “There’s a reason I’m not in marching band.”

“I thought it was because of the tall fuzzy hats,” Michael said wistfully. Alex rolled his eyes and moved his head down to kiss his head. 

“Please, don’t ask me to go,” Alex whispered against his hair. He felt Michael swallow harshly.

“Okay, I won’t, I’m sorry,” Michael promised, lifting his head, “But can I come to your concert?”

“You would be bored to death,” Alex said. Michael shook his head, shifting up a little more to nudge his nose against Alex’s cheek. That led to a kiss on the cheek and then on the jaw, Michael slowly making his way to his neck. Alex let his eyes drift closed, holding him tight as he could.

“How could I be bored when you’re in that sexy little uniform?” Michael hummed mindlessly. Alex hummed.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously into you,” Michael replied, lifting his head to kiss his lips. Alex welcomed it and spread his legs a little, just enough to let Michael fit between them before wrapping them around his hips. He smiled. “Stay tonight, please?”

And Alex had no intention of leaving.

-

Monday was not exactly what he expected.

Rumors were flooding and a couple people definitely looked at him during class, but it seemed the talk wasn't really about  _ him.  _ Not really, anyways. Instead, it was ‘oh my god, did you hear that Guerin’s gay?’ over and over and over. Different variations of everyone telling everyone that Michael was gay, that he was probably dating Alex but it wasn’t confirmed, and that it was  _ super  _ suspicious that he kept it a secret while being on the football team for four year. Alex hated it.

Alex looked for him through the day, but Michael never seemed bothered by any of it. He was with Max and Isobel like he usually was. Despite being quarterback, he stayed beside those two more than anything. He laughed and talked with them like it was a normal day. Like he hadn’t gone from being ridiculously in the closet to overwhelmingly out of it within a few days.

_ Alex: Are you okay? _

_ Michael: why wouldn’t i be _

Alex looked up from his phone and then over at him across their English class. Michael was already looking at him, his eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted a little. He looked like a dog and Alex momentarily considered what would happen if he scratched behind his ears.

_ Alex: Everyone’s talking about you. _

_ Michael: remember when i said i wish i could be like you _

_ Michael: how am i doing? _

Alex looked over at him and again was doused with that panicky feeling that he was falling too hard and too fast for a boy who wouldn’t give him the time of day. But Michael  _ was  _ giving him the time of day. Hell, he was asking for more. It was overwhelming. 

But that overwhelming feeling was nipped in the bud whenever he got to lunch and was immediately crowded by Liz and Maria.

“Okay, spill,” Maria said. Alex blinked with as much innocence as he could manage.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Don’t act dumb, I was there Friday, I saw all the flirting right in front of my eyes,” Liz insisted. Alex shrugged half-heartedly.

“Are you okay after Friday?” he asked instead, “I know you ran off because Kyle was being an asshole.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I’m over it, tell us about you banging the quarterback,” Liz pressed. He waited for a moment to see if she would ask if he was okay, but she didn’t and that was fine. 

“There’s nothing to say, I’m not hooking up with him,” Alex lied. They both narrowed their eyes at him.

“First the part where he took you out of class for a teacher you don’t have and then taking you to a party? Yeah, no one believes that,” Maria said. Alex shrugged.

“We’re friends,” he said. They both exuded disbelief. Which was fine and he was able to keep a straight face until Michael walked by. They made eye contact and Michael smiled, taking his bottom lip between his teeth and turning his head to keep looking even as he passed him. He eventually looked away, but when Alex looked back to his friends, he was clearly caught in the act. “Okay, fine, maybe we’ve messed around a few times.”

“ _ Alex, _ ” Maria said, leaning close, “He’s the quarterback of the football team.”

“Yeah, I know that. If you’re warning me about him probably having brain damage in the future from it that makes him violent, I’m already ahead of you,” Alex said casually. Maria held back a laugh as Liz rolled her eyes dramatically.

“That’s not what we mean! I just can’t believe it,” Liz said. Alex tilted his head.

“Why? You don’t think a guy like that could be interested in someone like me?” he asked. 

“No, stop it, you’re amazing,” Maria insisted, reaching out to touch his arm, “I’m more shocked that  _ you  _ are interested in  _ him. _ ”

Alex thought about all the nice things like Michael did, all the kisses and cuddles he wanted, how soft he got when they were alone. There were so many days where Michael would be pent up with energy, not necessarily negative, but just  _ too much.  _ Alex had never met someone quite like him when it came to that, someone who got so overwhelmed so often with his own mind that he just couldn’t really function right. But he’d get in Alex’s space and Alex could feel him relax. He hadn’t really noticed it as early as he would’ve liked, but he was obsessed with it now that he noticed. It was ridiculously sweet.

And absolutely too personal to share.

“I don’t know, he’s hot and he’s got nice lips,” Alex said. Maybe one day he’d share more… but today was not that day.

“Are you gonna, like, start going to his games now?” Liz pressed. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Why would I do that?” 

“Well, when you’re seeing someone, usually you‒”

“Nope,” Alex said, shaking his head, “No.”

“ _ Okay, _ ” Liz sighed, “I was expecting more gossip, but I should’ve known better coming from you.”

“Look, it’s just weird because I don’t really know how comfortable he is with everything,” Alex offered, “I’ll talk to him and if he’s okay with me saying more, I will.”

“God, why do you have to be such a good person?” Maria groaned. Alex huffed a laugh and she smiled. “But, hey, are you happy?”

“Yeah,” Alex admitted. They both just smiled at him.

“Good.”

It took a few seconds to get them to swerve back onto a topic that wasn’t his relationship with Michael.

He figured they both knew that, even if Michael  _ did  _ greenlight him talking about them, Alex most likely wouldn’t. He loved them both more than anything and they were his best friends, but some things were meant to be private. He didn’t mind listening to them sharing the gory details about their relationships, but that didn’t mean he had to join. He liked his one thing that was all his.

And he wanted to keep it that way.

-

The way the guys on his team were treating Michael now varied.

Some of them hadn’t changed the way they treated him, some of them were awkward, and others avoided him like the plague. Michael gave himself a pep talk every time he walked into the locker room, reminding himself that it would go back to normal soon. Eventually, they’d realize that nothing had changed. Until then, Michael could take comfort in stealing a few minutes after practice to make out with Alex until he had to go home.

When he spoke to them before and during the game on Friday, it seemed like it was slowly going back to normal. They listened to him, they played alongside him, they were a team. It was a nice feeling after a week of pushing through. Whenever they won, it was a giant dogpile of a hug, none of his teammates too afraid to hug him in celebration. He hadn’t realized how much it’d all bothered him until that moment. Until he felt welcome again.

“You good, Guerin?” Chavez asked, clapping a hand on his shoulder as they headed towards the locker room, “You got that look you get before you break shit.”

“I’m good,” Michael laughed, “Thanks, though.”

“I got your back, man,” he said firmly, grinning before he ran to get to the showers before it got too full.

Michael felt like he was on top of the world.

He got dressed as quickly as possibly, itching to go pick up Alex after he snuck out. He was having a good day. Or, just, a good  _ life.  _ Everything was falling into place. He had Isobel and Max, he had Alex, he had a roof over his head, he had a parental figure that cared about him, he had a semi-job where he could just work on a couple cars with Sanders when he needed money, and he had a future. All that seemed left was telling Max and Isobel about Alex, but even that seemed like it would probably go okay because of how good everything else was going. He was thriving and, for the first time, he wasn’t just waiting for the ball to drop. It was a nice feeling.

“Hey, are you coming to the party?” Palmer asked quietly as he started heading towards the door. Michael furrowed his eyebrows. “Keepin’ it kinda quiet, just the boys, Valenti, Johnson, and Long aren’t comin’, I swear.”

“I kinda made plans…” 

“That’s cool,” he said, nodding, “Maybe next time, though? I know some of the guys have their issues, but fuck ‘em, you know?”

“Yeah,” he said, huffing a little laugh as he thought about Alex as he tended to do, “Thanks.”

“No problem, man.”

Michael nodded his goodbye before heading out and starting to head to his truck. There were still a ton of people around, waiting for their boyfriend or son or friend to come out so they could give him a congratulatory hug. Michael just weaved through them. Max and Isobel came to watch him on the first and last games of the season, but he knew they both found it ungodly boring, so he didn’t push. Sanders came whenever he could make time to, occasionally making time for big games, but Fridays were busy days and he understood. And then Alex had another set of reasons he didn’t want to go which was fair enough.

Michael pulled out his phone as he got into the parking lot. He’d parked all the way to the far end of the lot. It had become a habit whenever he first got the truck and would often debrief in random parking lots. If you were far away, it was less likely people would be close enough to try and look through the windows.

“Hello?” Alex answered.

“Hey,” Michael said, “I’m about to leave and head your way.”

“Cool.”

“The weirdest thing happened, though,” he said, spinning his keys around his finger and using his telekinesis to give it an extra little swing, “Chavez and Palmer both went out of their way to be weirdly supportive. Like it was  _ really _ weird. Felt very ‘thank you for your service’, just for the random queer guy they know.”

Alex laughed, “It happens. I’m sure they’ll actually go back to normal soon. The overly supportive thing is better than them being dicks.”

“I guess. Just, when we were playing, I finally felt like everyone wasn’t walking on eggshells around me anymore. Then they chose a different kind of eggshell.”

“Give it some time,” Alex said, his voice warm and welcoming. It made him smile. “Oh, by the way, I got a surprise for you.”

“For what?” Michael asked.

“Mmm, you’ll see,” Alex laughed. Michael grinned even wider and, when he got to his truck, he quickly unlocked it with his mind and stepped in.

Which is when he saw his surprise.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Michael said, his heart skipping a beat in complete and utter fear that he just exposed himself. But Alex sat there in the passenger seat and didn’t seem to notice at all.

“Told you, had a surprise,” he said. Michael scoffed, shaking his head as he leaned forward for a short kiss. “I came to your game without technically putting myself around people I don’t like, just supporting you from afar or whatever.”

“Thank you,” he said, slowly trying to make his heart rate normal again, “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Alex agreed. Michael rolled his eyes and leaned in again, but he stopped a few centimeters away from his lips. 

“Wait, how’d you get here? Is your car here? Do you have to go home tonight?”

“Dude,” Alex laughed, reaching out to put his hand on his cheek, “Calm down.”

“I’m fine,” Michael insisted. And he was. But he knew he was a little frazzled like usual, obvious enough that Chavez could see it. It seemed that even on his best days, he couldn’t escape it. He stared at Alex up close, his fingers tapping on the back of the seat and his stomach tightening the longer Alex didn’t answer him. “Please?”

Alex smiled at him fondly and moved his hand down to his neck and then up into his hair. It helped a little; it helped even more as he rubbed his thumb in small circles behind his ear.

“Liz picked me up and dropped me off, so my car isn’t here. And I don’t have to be home until 4:30 ‘cause my dad wakes up at 5,” Alex explained. Michael nodded, licking his lips. 

“Can I touch you?” he asked. Alex took a deep breath and tilted his head like he was thinking about it. The moonlight seemed to reach out and find him in that moment, hitting him and his dark lined eyes in a way that made Michael feel like he was going to explode. 

“Why don’t we go to your house first so we don’t have to stop?”

“Genius,” Michael said, leaning over to kiss his cheek before quickly going to turn on his truck.

“You okay if I sit close?” Alex asked. He didn’t ask for permission as often as Michael did, typically because his body language was much louder than Alex’s was, but it always made him feel special when it happened for whatever reason.

“Of course,” Michael said. Alex slid close on the bench seat and Michael backed out of the parking lot before draping his arm around Alex’s shoulders and heading him.

Yeah, life was  _ really  _ good.

-

There were moments in every young man’s life where he knew he had fucked up beyond repair.

Michael had gone on his morning run like he always did, stopping to get a bagel from the bakery before heading back home. The road was a long stretch of basically nothing. A car would drive by every once in a while, but typically it was dead because of how early it was. He always told Sanders how long he expected to be gone to put the old man at ease. While he knew nothing bad would happen, Sanders always got so worried about really dumb little things.

Though, it made sense. Michael didn’t know too much, but he knew Sanders knew what he was. He’d always known. He’d tell a half-truth here and there, occasionally mentioning his mother. It was enough for Michael to assume Sanders knew what could happen to people like him.  _ Things  _ like him. So Michael eased his worries and told him how long he’d be gone.

He never shared those worries and he probably never would. Michael was safe for once in his life and he wasn’t about to waste that on silly little fears. He’d made it this far without setting off anyone’s radar, he could make it another eleven years and then another after that. Besides, he didn’t kill humans with his bodily fluids, so he felt like he was set for life.

Michael looked around still to make sure he was alone before he lifted the bag of bagels into the air. He didn’t let them go too high, just enough for his own enjoyment as he swung them in figure eights. He never got to do anything really cool with them unless Sander greenlit it and that was rare, so he had to stick with expelling his energy in tiny ways.

And that was all fun and games until he passed the giant rock that marked his halfway point.

He never got to pass it, really, because, just as he was about to, a pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and slammed him against the rock. The wind was knocked out of him and he stared wide eyed at the man in front of him who was holding him in place with ridiculous force. His eyes were set, unwavering and unsympathetic.

“I don’t have any money, I swear,” Michael said immediately. The guy huffed a laugh, shaking his head and pressing down harder on Michael’s chest. 

“You think I want your money?” the guy asked. Michael just kept breathing hard, trying to make sense of what was happening and the guy just pressed harder. It was becoming difficult to breathe. “I know what you are.”

“What?” Michael nearly squeaked.

“They’re gonna be so excited that I got one. A  _ young  _ one _ ,  _ purebred,” he said. Michael could see the way his eyes were lit up, overly excited for the presumed praise he was going to get. Michael was scared shitless.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Michael said. Maybe if he lied he would let him go. “Please, I don’t know what you’re talking about, just let me go.”

“You don’t think I did my research? I’ve been watching you and those little friends of yours, but you’re the only one that I’ve got proof. You’re a fucking monster,” he said. Michael couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think. He wanted to go home. 

“Okay, okay, okay, but, please. I haven’t done anything. I  _ swear  _ I haven’t done anything! Just let me go!” Michael begged.

“Yet. You haven’t done anything  _ yet, _ ” he said, “You really think I’m gonna just let you go?” 

“Listen, people will notice I’m gone, okay? My-my dad knows where I am, he’ll notice I’m gone.”

“You don’t think I can cover that up?”

“But I’m the quarterback! The whole town will be looking for me! You-you can’t just take me.”

“People go missing all the time.”

Michael gulped, searching his brain for anything to get him out of this situation. He couldn’t think. It was too much and he couldn’t think. He tried to use his telekinesis to push the guy away, but it didn’t work. Nothing was fucking working.

“If you take me, I won’t tell you anything. I’ll keep my mouth shut, I don’t care how much you torture me,” Michael said, trying to sound stern. He wouldn’t say anything. He wouldn’t expose Max and Isobel. But he was finally fucking happy and he was not about to lose it. “But if you let me go, I’ll let you do whatever you want and tell you whatever you want.”

The guy scoffed, “And why would I go for that?”

“Th-think about it,” Michael said, trying to pretend he wasn’t shaking. God, he wanted to go home. “You said your people would be excited about it. B-But wouldn’t they be more excited if you had a whole bunch of information? I-I’ll let you do whatever, seriously, just, just let me go, okay? Just don’t take me.”

The guy was clearly thinking about it and Michael was trying to think of a non-confrontational way to push him more towards it. If this had to happen, if he had to get caught, he was going to try and steal as much time enjoying life as he could.

“And then, then you don’t have to cover it up or deal with anyone looking for me, you know? So it’s easier for you. And I’ll do whatever. No holds barred or whatever, you know? I won’t fight or argue a-and you’ll get all the information to bring your, your group or whatever,” Michael said, trying his best to seem like it only benefited him and not Michael. 

“How do I know you aren’t going to run off?”

“Where the fuck would I go man? You’d just find me again. I swear, I’ll be compliant,” Michael promised. And he would. He was thriving in Roswell right now, he wasn’t giving that up. He wasn’t giving up Max or Isobel or Sanders or Alex. He just wasn’t. “I swear.”

The guy stared for a few more seconds.

“You fuck up  _ at all  _ or lie to me or tell  _ anyone _ and I swear I will take you and it’s over, do you understand me?” he said. Michael nodded. “Give me your phone,” he demanded, letting up just enough for Michael to give it to him. He pressed down harder and began to mess with it, probably getting his number. But he sat there for a while, for what felt like ten minutes, and Michael figured there was probably some way that he could track him. Yay. 

Eventually, he gave it back and took a hesitant step away from Michael, eyeing him. Michael was frozen. None of this felt real. He just wanted this to be over, wanted to go home.

“You stay honest and listen to me and let me do what needs to be done and I think we’ll get along just fine,” he said. Michael simply nodded. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Michael asked. The guy didn’t say anything, just pointed to behind the rock. Michael obeyed.

They slowly started walking and Michael saw a sandy brown colored car a few yards away that he had completely missed. The guy gestured towards the passenger seat and Michael got in without questions. His mind felt fuzzy and his panic had subsided to numbness. He was going to wake up and he was going to be fine. This wasn’t real.

“First question: how are you so young? When did your ship land?” the guy asked as he got onto the road and started driving, “You’re the youngest purebred I’ve ever heard of.”

“How do you know I’m a purebred?” Michael asked. 

“Because I’m not fucking stupid and I know the difference,” he said, “Now answer the question.”

“As far as I know, I came here on the ship in 1947. I was, uh, in this stasis pod type thing and I came out in ‘97,” Michael answered.

“Stasis pod?” he repeated, “Is that how that works? Do you know where it is?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll show me, won’t you?”

“Yes,” Michael said. He didn’t want to, but…

“Good. Tomorrow, then. I wasn’t expecting for this to go this way and I have plans, so I’ll pick you up tomorrow and we’ll begin truly.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed.

“So, you were in stasis for 50 years. That would explain the age, but not why none of the others did that. But we’ll figure that out later. Now, tell me, have you ever gotten sick?”

And for the next ten minutes, that’s how it went. He asked very basic questions. Illness, abilities, his limits. If Michael wasn’t so fucking scared, maybe it would’ve been cool to talk to someone about all of this. It was always a secret so, no matter how much he wanted to experiment and learn, he couldn’t. Now he finally meets the one person who he could do that with and he had to be terrifying and dangerous.

When the guy pulled up to the junkyard, Michael’s stomach dropped. He wasn’t sure why. The guy said he’d been following him, of course he knew where he lived. Was he the one who was watching Isobel a few days prior? It seemed to fit.

“I’ll find you tomorrow,” the guy said. Michael swallowed harshly and nodded.

“Okay,” he said, opening the car door and stepping out. It took him a second to steady his footing. He took a look at the guy before closing the door, realizing he didn’t have a name. Maybe it would help if he had a name. “What do you want me to call you?”

The guy just shrugged, “Let’s go with Eff.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed, “Eff.”

Eff drove off, kicking up dust behind him. Michael felt sick. He slowly went into the trailer, locking the door behind him and went to his bedroom. He locked that door too. Michael slowly got into bed, ignoring the fact that he was still sweating from his run, and pulled the blankets over his head as he balled up. 

Maybe if he stayed there, it would all go away.

-

Michael sat outside the school in his truck, chewing on his thumb nail.

It’d been over 12 hours since he met Eff, but he wasn’t feeling anymore comfortable. He’d looked over his shoulder more than once and found himself putting on a sweater and sweatpants despite it being hot outside. He felt too exposed wearing his normal clothing.

Alex’s concert was today and, despite really wanting to go, he couldn’t seem to make himself go inside. There was so many people and he just wasn’t up for it. But he needed Alex, so he was here and waiting and ready to go home again. He didn’t know why he wanted to go home. Eff knew where he lived. He wasn’t safe. But he still did.

The parking lot slowly filled with parents and grandparents and students with congratulatory flowers, all happy and smiling and not aware that there was any danger. And maybe there wasn’t for them. Or maybe there was and no one knew about it yet. Michael triple checked that his doors were locked. 

When Alex pulled on the handle, Michael nearly jumped out of his skin. He quickly leaned over and unlocked it and as soon as Alex was in, he locked it right back.

“Hello to you too,” Alex laughed. It was nice and warm and playful and a complete contrast to how shitty Michael felt. It instantly made tears burn in his eyes which was absolutely not cool. “Jeez, how are you not burning up?”

Alex rubbed his hand over his arm and Michael shrugged halfheartedly. He couldn’t find words and couldn’t seem to muster up enough energy to pretend. He was too overwhelmed and too scared and he needed to sleep.

“Hey,” Alex said softly, “Is something wrong?”

Michael took a deep breath and tried his damnedest to be normal. He nodded and tried to meet Alex’s eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Alex wondered, frowning a little as he reached out to touch his cheek. Michael folded his lips in and he looked away. “Michael.”

“I just wanna go home, okay? Can we please go home?” he asked, his voice cracking. Alex pulled on his shoulder gently, careful enough that if he wanted to push him away he could. But he didn’t and easily let Alex pull him into a hug. He held on tight, only a few tears escaping as he tried to just absorb Alex.

“It’s okay, I’m right here,” Alex cooed softly, stroking his hair. This was his reward. Eff let him go. He’d be back, but he left him go. Michael was rewarded more time with Alex and he would be damned if he let that get taken away from him. “You want me to drive?”

Michael typically didn’t let other people drive his truck, but he trusted Alex more than he trusted himself to  _ drive _ Alex when he felt like that so they switched places. Michael stayed glued his side, his face staying on his shoulder as they headed home. Alex didn’t ask any questions, simply just held him and drove home.

When they got there, Michael locked all the doors again and got in bed first. Alex quickly stripped down to his boxers and grabbed one of Michael’s t-shirts before climbing in after him. He pulled him into his arms and tucked the blanket around him, surrounding him with his body. It was the first time that day that he felt like he could finally breathe. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Alex asked cautiously, just combing his fingers through his hair. Michael didn’t answer. “Was it just one of those days?”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed. Alex hummed in understanding, kissing the top of his head and putting his leg over Michael’s to tug him closer. 

“Well, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it happens. I’m not going anywhere. Tomorrow will be a little better.”

Maybe he didn’t deserve Alex.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is trying and not really succeeding at acting normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of basically torture in this chapter
> 
> If I left any tags out, let me know

“Alright, you got five seconds to come out of there.”

Michael froze, laying on the backseat of the broken-down ‘97 Audi. He was hoping if he stayed still enough, Sanders would forget he ever saw any kind of movement. Did he move? He couldn’t remember. He must’ve dozed off.

“Now, I ain’t about to tell you again. Get out of there.”

Michael closed his eyes and cursed under his breath. He’d been trying at the junkyard for a couple of weeks now with no problem. He knew it was too good to be true. Slowly, he sat up and made eye contact with Old Manes Sanders. He gestured for Michael to get out and Michael listened. 

“You gonna tell me why you’re in there at 7 in the morning or am I supposed to read your mind?” Sanders asked. Michael just stared straight ahead.

“I’ll leave, don’t worry about it,” Michael said. Sanders snorted a laugh.

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere until you tell me what’s goin’ on,” Sanders told him. Michael glared. At fifteen, he wasn’t as tall as Sanders, but he was nothing if not willing to overcompensate with anger. 

“I’m not telling you shit.”

“Don’t get snappy with me, boy,” Sanders said, “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Why the fuck do you care?” Michael snapped. Sanders took a deep breath, giving him a very unimpressed look. But it wasn’t pity either. That was the only thing keeping him from storming off.

“Look, you ain’t gotta tell me specifics, but, that home you’re supposed to be at, it’s so bad that you’re sleepin’ in the junkyard? Or is it you just feeling rebellious?” Sanders asked. Anger boiled beneath Michael’s skin at the insinuation that he was overreacting. Max did that stuff even when he was well-meaning. Just because he didn’t spill every tiny detail didn’t mean he was a liar.

Despite his better judgment, Michael pulled up his sleeve and showed the healing burn mark on his arm that had directly covered an older burn scar they put there before. Forever engraved with a cross, reminding him that he was a freak of nature when it came to these humans. But he wasn’t about to let Sanders drag him back.

“Come inside, eat somethin’ ‘cause you look like a sack of bones, and then we’re headin’ over to that house.”

“No!” Michael yelled, a little more desperation in his voice than he intended.

“We’re gonna head over there,” Sanders repeated, louder and firmer, “So you can get your shit. Then we’re gonna find your social worker and figure out what we need to do to make sure you stay out of places like that.”

“What?” Michael scoffed, “You don’t think they’re gonna just throw me somewhere else for running? Juvie, this time, probably.”

“Well, if things go like they should’ve gone damn near a decade ago now, you’ll stay with me and I ain’t gonna put up with the running away shit,” Sanders said. It shut Michael right up.

He didn’t understand what he was being told. It almost sounded like someone wanted to keep him around. 

“Why?” Michael asked cautiously.

Sanders sighed and looked everywhere but at him.

“Long time ago, I met a nice lady who took care of me like I was her own and she showed me where her own actually was. Made a promise I’d keep an eye out for him and I ain’t about to break it now,” he said, leaving out far too many details. Michael felt like he got punched in the gut and his head spun. He didn’t understand.

“Wait, does that mean you know‒”  _ my mom, what I am, where I’m from, what I’m capable of, if I’m dangerous,  _ “That I‒”

“You want breakfast or not?” Sanders asked gruffly, already walking away.

Michael ran after him.

-

Michael gasped back into consciousness and Eff stood over him with confused eyes and an acupuncture needle in his hand.

“What’d you see?” Eff asked.

“When my dad decided he was gonna adopt me,” Michael said. Eff made a face like that was disappointing, but he nodded and took a few steps back to record it in his notebook. Michael lifted a shaky hand to rub the nearly invisible hole on his left temple.

Apparently, aliens had very similarly placed pressure points to humans, but they did  _ very  _ different things. Provoking them could trigger powers or memories or any number of things that the brain could do in someone’s subconscious. It took them a few tries to find the exact point on Michael’s head to stab a needle into, but, when he found it, he was thrown back to being just a kid.

“Let’s test your telekinetic limit again, see if that affected it in any way,” Eff said, taking the gloves off and dropping the needle into a glass of some ambiguously clear substance to sterilize it. 

Michael stood to his feet, feeling a little dizzy from the memory. Eff gave him the space to do so and waited for him to get steady before they walked outside.

Eff’s workplace of choice was a small shed in the middle of nowhere. No one lived for miles in any direction and the only way someone could find it is if they knew where it was and they were willing to drive 45 minutes into the desert. It had a couch, a cot, a bathroom, and a kitchen area. Most of the shed, though, was covered in equipment to test on Michael.

It turns out, though, that everything got a lot less scary the more he was there. Yeah, Eff was still mean and he never let Michael truly forget that he didn’t see him as an equal, but, for the most part, it wasn’t that bad. Or at least he’d focused on the bright side. This was the first person who was allowing and actively encouraging Michael to explore things about himself that he’d never gotten the chance to. If this was his fate, it wasn’t the worst.

So what if it was slightly off his game and tired and hadn’t had nearly enough alone time with Alex. It was better than having none of those at all.

“Alright, lift the truck again,” Eff said, pulling out his stopwatch, “And I swear to God, if you drop it again, I’m going to kick your ass.”

Rolling his eyes, Michael held out his hand and  _ focused.  _ The 5,000lb truck was definitely a strain on his abilities, but it felt so nice. It was like an itch that he’d been waiting to scratch, a muscle being stretched, a lung filling with air. This was what he needed. Yesterday, he’d been able to hold it up for 45 seconds before he got a nosebleed and dropped it. Before the needle, he’d again only got to 45 seconds before he had to put it down to prevent dropping it again. No nosebleed.

Now, a little stretched out and a little more excited about what he could do, he fought through the shakiness and ignored the itchy feeling of an oncoming bloody nose. He breathed steadily and just focused. Eventually, though, he gave out and put the car down, dropping to his knees and catching his breath. He wiped his nose and caught his breath.

“One minute, seven seconds. Not bad,” Eff said. Michael smiled. “Now throw the ball.”

Michael took a few extra seconds to breathe before slowly getting back to his feet. He turned his attention to the steel ball that was somewhere around 100lbs, give or take. Michael breathed in deep before picking it up and hurling it as hard as his body would allow at a mat that was propped up 20 yards away that was only there to stop it from going too far.

“Only 35mph,” Eff said.

“You didn’t give me enough time to recover,” Michael argued.

“Doesn’t excuse your shitty number,” he said. Michael clenched his jaw. And he was almost doing good. “Get inside, we’re doing a few more pressure points.”

“Do you know when you’ll let me go home? I have homework,” Michael said, still staring out into the distance.

“Why are you doing homework still?” Eff scoffed.

Michael was about to ask why he wouldn’t, but then he remembered who he was talking to. Eff didn’t see a need because he didn’t think Michael would have a future.

He’d be the one personally making sure he didn’t.

-

Alex walked into the Crashdown with his eyes tied to his phone.

Ever since last Saturday had ended in him holding Michael all night, things had been a little weird. He couldn’t put his finger on it exactly, just that Michael’s mind wasn’t always with him. He wasn’t begging Alex to come over every night like he usually did, simply satisfied with making out in the back of the truck before Alex had to go home. Tuesday Alex had gone to his house to surprise him only to be told Michael wasn’t home. It’d caused so much embarrassment Alex refused to even drive in that direction unless Michael specifically asked ever again.

Alex didn’t want to push or assume or be  _ that  _ guy. Being with Michael was fun and nice, but there was clearly something going on with him and if he was having second thoughts about them, Alex wasn’t about to try and beg him to stay. Besides, it might not even be that. He might be embarrassed for breaking down or there might be a football thing Alex didn’t know about or any number of things. He didn’t know, he hadn’t really gotten the chance to ask. He wasn’t going to act like Michael was pulling away until he knew for sure. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t stare at his phone.

Good timing, too, because it rang.

“Hello, littlest brother,” Flint said loudly into the phone, clearly on speaker with the sound of a car running in the background. Alex smiled just as Arturo, the owner of the Crashdown, came up to take his order.

“Hey, give me one second,” he said, moving the phone to tell Arturo his order. He nodded and told him to tell Flint that he said hi. “Mr. Ortecho said hi.”

“Hello, Mr. Ortecho!” Flint said loud enough that Arturo heard it. He chuckled and walked back into the kitchen. “So, I got some good news.”

“What is it? You finally got that stick surgically removed from your ass?”

“I’m personally offended by that. I thought we were on the same team when it came to the stick being in Clay’s ass,” Flint said. Alex huffed a laugh. “No, but I’m coming into town soon.”

“Wait, for real?” Alex asked, excitement coursing through his system. As much as his brothers annoyed him and he thought Flint was just as lame for listening to their father, he loved them. He also loved not having to be alone with his dad all the time. “When?”

“I’m thinking Monday or Tuesday? Soon, I’ll keep you updated so we can make plans,” Flint said, “Gotta give some shit to Dad.”

“Okay, yeah, can’t wait,” Alex said.

“Tell me something fun, though, what’s going on with you? Anything new?” Flint asked.

Alex bit down on his lip and wondered if he should mention Michael. He wanted to. He never really came out to Flint, but he was pretty sure Flint knew and didn’t care. Either way, he wanted to share like he shared with Maria and Liz even if it was just because he wanted to say “hey look at this thing I got even though Dad said no”. Even though he was kind of unsure about where exactly they stood, this was still an achievement. This was still  _ his.  _ That counted.

“I’ve, uh,” he said, glancing around quickly. There was a table of cheerleaders from his school in the corner, but they were too far to hear. “I’ve kinda been talking to someone.”

“Oh, what? My baby brother is suddenly not such a baby?” Flint teased. Alex smiled and rolled his eyes.

“My not being a baby has nothing to do with having a relationship. I haven’t been a baby for a long time.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll believe that one day, maybe,” Flint said, “So, tell me about them.”

“It’s not, like, super serious or anything,” Alex said, hesitating just a little as he considered if he was ready to officially come out via pronouns, “But… he’s really nice and smart and I like him a lot. I think you’d like him, he’s got the same rebellious-but-not-really vibe you do.”

“Oh, so you chose someone with the same vibe as me? Glad I showed you what good taste was,” Flint said. Alex laughed. When Arturo brought his tray over, he mouthed his thanks. “Well, is he making you happy? Does he know you have a brother who will kick his ass if he isn’t?”

“He does make me happy, yeah,” Alex promised, “But I’m not telling him your threats.”

“Fair enough,” he said, “Maybe I can tell him myself when I come to see you.”

Alex chewed on his lip for a second. “I don’t know, I’d have to ask him.”

“Well, do that. We’ll even go somewhere outside of Roswell if it makes you two feel a little better.”

“I’ll ask,” Alex repeated, “And, uh, thanks. For being cool.”

“You say that like I’m not the coolest person you know,” Flint said, “Alright, weirdo, I’ll let you eat. Call you later. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Alex put his phone down, feeling more confident that he had in a few days. He probably wasn’t actually going to ask Michael. Things were already a little weird and he didn’t want to press, so he’d probably just lie and say Michael wasn’t ready for all that. But, still, it was nice to know that Flint asked. He was  _ interested. _

It gave him enough confidence to text Michael first, deciding that it wasn’t too needy to reach out instead of waiting for Michael to do it. He sent a simple hey and then got to his food.

“Hey, Alex,” a sing-songy voice said. Alex looked towards it to see one of the cheerleaders. He furrowed his eyebrows, chewing slower as she sat on the stool beside him. She had never said a word to him before. He didn’t even know her name.

“Uh, hi?”

“Sorry if I’m bothering you, but I wanted to come talk to you. I mean, we’re friends, right?” she said. Alex felt like he was falling into a trap.

“I guess.”

“I just wanted to let you know that when you come to the games, you can sit up front with the rest of the guys’ girlfriends,” she said. Alex kept staring at her with a confused expression. “If you come, I mean. I haven’t seen you at any of the games before.”

“Why would I go to a football game?” Alex asked slowly. She smiled even wider.

“To watch Michael play, silly,” she said, “It’s a part of dating a football player.”

“I’m not dating a football player,” Alex said. And he wasn’t. Or, at least, not that she needed to know. He didn’t owe any of them that knowledge.

“Come on, you can tell me,” she pressed. He just stared. “I’m just letting you know that you’re welcome to sit by us. We can all gossip. We’d love to hear what it’s like to actually date Michael. He’s always been super interested in just really quiet hookups. I guess I can see why.”

“Yeah, well,” Alex said. He still couldn’t quite tell if she was making fun of him or not. The rest of the girls at the table weren’t laughing, but…

“You don’t  _ have  _ to,” she said, flashing the biggest smile it felt like he’d ever seen, “I just wanted you to know that we think it’s super cool we finally have a gay football player. We think you guys are just so cute.”

Alex wondered how many more times he could listen to people call Michael gay when they knew literally nothing about him before he lost it.

“How are we cute when we’re not together?” Alex asked. She rolled her eyes playfully.

“You know what I mean. The whole two separate looks, it’s perfect,” she said. Alex’s phone saved him by going off and Alex immediately gave it his attention.

_ Michael: i was just thinking about you where are you _

_ Alex: Crashdown _

_ Michael: room for 1 more? _

_ Alex: For you? Always _

_ Michael: 😍 _

“Is that Michael?” the girl asked, bringing him back to the conversation. He looked at her.

“Yeah,” he said honestly. He didn’t want to be rude. She wasn’t  _ technically  _ being rude. But, still, he wasn’t sure if she was or not. “Thanks for the offer, by the way, but I’m fine. You don’t have to sit with me.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, holding up her hands in surrender, “It was nice talking to you.”

“Mhm,” Alex hummed. He spared her a glance as she walked back to her friends and saw them giggling which wasn’t a good sign. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on his food.

Within the next couple minutes, the bell above the door dinged and a warm presence sat close beside Alex. He looked up to see Michael standing beside him. He had on a big smile despite the fact that his eyes had dark circles beneath them. It again had him questioning if something was actually going on and not just him questioning their relationship.

“Hey,” Alex said.

“Hey,” Michael said back, reaching over him to grab a fry from his tray.

“Get your own,” Alex said, unsuccessfully trying to stop him from shoving the fry into his mouth. Michael just smiled as he chewed and Alex was too charmed to be irritated. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Me too, this week has been a lot,” Michael said softly, sitting down on the stool beside him and pulling it close, “But I wanna see you more. What are your plans tonight?”

“I gotta have the car back by 8, but I can sneak out if you wanna come get me,” Alex suggested. Michael nodded.

“Yeah, we can do that,” he said, reaching over to steal more of Alex’s fries. 

“Dude, do you want to order food?” Alex laughed. He shook his head.

“I’ll just eat yours.”

Alex rolled his eyes, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he stared at him as they ate. Not only did he have dark circles under his eyes, but he was also chewing slow and seeming to zone out just by sitting there. And Alex was beginning to really think that it had nothing to do with their relationship.

“Hey,” Alex said, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Michael said.

Alex considered just leaving it. But he left it last time and things had clearly not gotten any better. His eyes drifted over to the girls at the table, noticing that they were not-so-subtly watching them as if they were an exhibit in a zoo. He tried not to let it bother him as he leaned a little closer.

“Seriously, what’s going on? You’re worrying me,” Alex told him quietly. Michael made eye contact with him and gave him that little tiny smile that felt like it was only for him. Maybe it was. “Stop it, tell me. Are you sick or something? Is something going on?” 

“You are my favorite person in the whole world, Alex Manes,” he said. Alex tilted his head in that no-nonsense way that just made Michael smile wider. “I’ve been helping Max fix his car, sorry I didn’t really let you know. It’s been taking up my time. And it’s just been one of those weeks. I’m okay.”

“So you’re not just trying to get rid of me either?” Alex clarified. It was honestly relieving to see that it wasn’t anything too bad. Michael’s eyes widened a little bit.

“No, absolutely not. I want to see you more, this week has sucked without you,” he said, batting those eyelashes, “It’s really hard to sleep well without you anymore.”

“Mm, well, maybe I’ll help you get to some good sleep tonight,” Alex said, a suggestive tone in his voice. Michael grinned, his tongue pressing to the back of his teeth.

“Can I touch you in public or is that a no go?” Michael asked. Alex again found himself looking over to the cheerleaders. “No?”

“They were asking me about us earlier,” Alex said, “Told me I could sit with the other guys’ girlfriends and we could all gossip. And that we’re  _ so  _ cute.”

“I think we’re pretty cute,” Michael told him, still smiling. When Alex didn’t respond right away, it faded. “Were they bothering you?”

“No, I just…” Alex said, trying to find the right words. He didn’t have them. Instead, he thought about his conversation with Flint and how good that felt to just  _ be.  _ To talk and act like there was nothing to even think about. He wanted that. “Yeah, you can touch me.”

“You sure?” Michael said. Alex nodded.

“Nothing too extreme.”

“Obviously, that’s for later,” he said. Alex snorted, but let Michael just move closer and rest his head on his shoulder. He could feel the way his body immediately released some tension. 

He couldn’t wait to get him alone so he could remove the rest.

-

“Michael.”

“Nope, not talking about this with you.”

“ _ Michael!  _ This isn’t just about you! This affects us! Stop fucking avoiding us so you can do what you want!”

Michael sighed, bowing his head. He took a few deep breaths and opened his eyes slowly, looking at the engine he was working on. It helped to work with his hands. All the shit he was doing with Eff was too much with his mind and it was nice to just turn it off and use his hands. And, besides, this was the one day it seemed Eff had no interest in doing tests. He planned to just work on this car until Alex could come back over. 

But apparently, he had to still use his brain today.

“What do you want me to say?” Michael asked as he turned to face Max and Isobel. They both looked angry at him. Which was fair. He’d been avoiding them as much as possible. He didn’t want Eff to get any interest in them. They were going to have a future. They weren’t going to end up like him. 

And, besides, he should’ve known this was coming. People were talking about him and Alex. He had no drive to stop them. He had way bigger problems than people gossiping about his love life even if that meant having his siblings find out through someone else.

“Well, first off, why aren’t you talking to us? Did you think we wouldn’t notice?” Isobel asked.

“And are you actually dating Alex? Because what happens when something goes wrong? What happens when he gets hurt?” Max added.

“Or what happens when  _ you  _ get hurt?” Isobel said, “If he breaks up with you or realizes you’re lying to him? Because you  _ are  _ lying to him.”

“And don’t even think about telling him. This isn’t some small little thing, Michael, this is our  _ lives. _ ”

“You don’t think I know that?” Michael asked. He intended for it to have more bite than it actually did. He wanted to be angry with them, but it was hard when they weren’t wrong. Michael was stupid. It was how he ended up being the one caught by Eff. “Look, I’m being safe.”

“Michael,” Isobel said, stepping up to him. She had that concerned look in her eye that made it hard not to listen. “We don’t lie to each other, okay? That’s not something we can do when it’s just the three of us. We were there when you decided to join the football team and I helped you fake all your physicals, you remember? We’re not trying to hold you back. This is something extremely serious.”

“I know it is,” Michael said, “I just… I like him, Isobel. He makes me feel good. I don’t want to give that up just because I’m not human.”

“But we said‒”

“I know what we said,” Michael sighed, looking to Max and then back to Isobel before he closed his eyes, “But, I can promise you, it’s okay. We’re not toxic to them. Nothing has happened to Alex or the girls I’ve slept with. They’re all fine. We don’t have to be alone like this.”

They stared at him, unreadable expressions. He was anticipating them to yell at him and he was prepared to bury himself in a hole until he felt better. But they didn’t yell. They just stared.

“How long have you known?” Max asked. Michael took a deep breath.

“About two years,” he answered honestly. Max scoffed.

“So, what, I kept away from Liz for no reason?” he asked. Michael didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t think he would’ve gone after Liz anyway. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Isobel wondered.

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me for breaking the deal,” Michael admitted, rubbing his eye, “I, I should’ve told you. A while ago. That wasn’t fair of me and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for ignoring you, I’ve been stressed lately and I don’t want to affect you guys.”

“But you still didn’t have an answer for what happens when he realizes you’re lying to him. You can’t tell him what we are,” Max insisted. Michael immediately shook his head.

“I swear, I won’t. You two come first always.”

“Do we? Because It doesn’t sound like it.”

He swallowed harshly, closing his eyes. He thought about the other day when Eff had pricked him with that needle on his wrist and it had triggered waves of power that he couldn’t control that had sent him into a seizure-like state or when he pricked the one on his neck and that same power paralyzed him until he cried, both times immediately followed by Eff bringing him outside to test again. At the moment, it hadn’t seemed like it was that bad. He was still free and still had Alex. He still wouldn’t wish it onto Max and Isobel.

“Trust me,” Michael said, “You come first.”

“This is bullshit, Michael. You’re being stupid,” Max scolded.

“Max,” Isobel said, “Come on, this is good news, isn’t it? We can be normal.”

“Normal,” Max echoed, huffing a laugh, “I can never be normal."

"But, normal enough, right? College, wife, kids, white picket fence?" Michael pointed out, "You can have that. It's safe."

"Since when have you wanted that?" Max scoffed. And Michael didn't want that. It had always sounded boring. But with his current circumstances, that was an unachievable paradise. He wanted Max and Isobel to take it and run with it.

"I don't, but you guys do," he offered lamely.

"You really like Alex that much?" Isobel asked, "That you're finally telling us this?"

"Yeah, I do," Michael said. It wasn't a lie. He did like Alex that much. Just… it wasn't the entire reason. 

"And you're happy?"

Somehow, that felt like a trick question.

"Yes," he said.

"Then we're happy," Isobel said, "Shut up, Max."

Michael wished that was a sign everything would be that easy. That maybe when it came out that he lied to them again about something a million times worse that they wouldn't be angry. He just had to tell himself that.

But, later, when Alex came over again, he still found himself feeling wrong and off. He was wondering if he was always going to feel wrong and off for the rest of his life.

Alex, however, was a nice distraction from the bullshit. He was reading a book for class and Michael had wedged himself between his legs, his knees hooked over his shoulders and his head resting comfortably between his thighs. If he stayed right there, nothing could hurt him.

He breathed slow and closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that this was worth every single mistake. Alex's warm skin against his cheeks, the grounding presence of his feet on his stomach, his hand in his hair, the door and the window locked, and nothing but the sound of the AC and Alex turning pages filling his mind. This was the safest space in the world. He refused to believe differently.

Michael dozed in and out of consciousness, his mind drained and wanting sleep more than he was able to give. He was almost actually asleep until the sky decided to be a bitch and thunder loud enough to wake him up. He slowly dragged his eyes open, his fingers gliding over the unrealistically soft hair on his thigh. He pressed his nose into his skin, breathing him in. Then he pressed his lips there and reveled in the way Alex shifted a little in response. It wasn't until he parted his lips and carefully bit into the sweet skin of his inner thigh that Alex actually reacted. He tightened his legs around him, giving him a little squeeze that was way hotter than it was meant to be.

"Excuse you," Alex scolded, voice soft and a little deeper than usual as if he'd fallen asleep too. It made Michael smile. This really was safe. 

"It's right here in my face, what do you want from me? I only have so much self-control," Michael said. Alex chuckled, his hand taking through his curls before tugging a little.

He spread his legs wider and urged Michael up to move up. Michael complied, laying beside him and accepting the kiss he gave. He didn't want tomorrow to come. Tomorrow meant more Eff, more work, more stress. Today meant this.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Alex asked, "You can say no and I won't be mad even a little."

"What's up?" Michael asked. He couldn't imagine telling Alex no.

"You remember that brother I told you about? He's coming into town," Alex said, not really making eye contact. Michael hummed. "Would you wanna meet him?"

"You want me to meet your brother?" Michael asked. Alex shrugged and nodded.

"It could be fun. He said we could go somewhere outside of Roswell so it won't be too bad," Alex urged, "You can say no."

Michael stared at him and weighed his options. He didn't mind saying yes. If it was before he ran into Eff, he would've said yes in a heartbeat. But now things were a little different and he didn't want to make such important plans when he had no idea when he would steal him for the evening.

"Um, can I say yes but pull out if I need to?" Michael asked. Alex eyed him but nodded slowly. 

"You really can just say no."

"I want to go, though. Things have just been weird lately and something might come up. I'll let you know if it does, though," Michael said.

"Like what?" Alex asked.

"Like if Sanders needs me to help him or Isobel needs me to come get her. I'm surrounded by needy people lately and it's making it really hard for me to be needy towards you," Michael teased. Alex smiled and reached out, touching his cheek softly.

"Okay, whatever works," he said, "He just wants to meet you."

"And I want to meet him," Michael promised, "But, uh, does this mean you're my boyfriend? 'Cause this feels awfully official."

Alex grinned and rolled his eyes, pushing himself into Michael for a long kiss. Michael pulled him even closer.

It was the nicest yes he'd ever gotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i've been watching the untamed


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael meets Alex's brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> childhood trauma ahead

“You want a beer?”

“I’m not 21.”

“You’re not human.”

Michael swallowed as he politely rejected Eff’s offer. His mind was still spinning and he was sitting on the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest. It’d been a long time since he was scared of himself, but here he was. 

Eff had injected him with a similar substance to the one he used to sterilize the needles. It made him feel fourteen again and put him right back into one of his exorcisms where he completely lost control. Only, this time it wasn’t anger fueling it, it was his cerebrum going haywire and all he could do was scream as his powers overrode his brain.

He’d destroyed half the shed and Eff was annoyed, but he seemed to expect that would happen. Michael could still feel it under his skin even though it’d been thirty minutes since he stopped. He couldn’t seem to make himself get up off the floor. Eff had already started cleaning up.

“Do you need water, then?” Eff said, a little nicer this time. Michael looked up at him. He seemed genuine in his question, so Michael nodded. He went to the little fridge and pulled out a bottled water, unscrewing the cap and handing it to Michael. He had to move slow to prevent spilling it all over the floor. “Are you having a panic attack or are you still riding out the effects?”

“I don’t know,” Michael whispered.

“Okay,” Eff sighed. He took the bottle after he got enough and screwed the top back on. Eff pulled up a chair and straddled the back of it, staring down at him. “You were meant to lose a bit of control, but you weren’t supposed to panic like that. That made it worse.”

“I’m sorry.”

Eff was quiet for a minute before he asked, “The others didn’t panic like that.” Michael swallowed harshly.  _ The others. _

“When I was a kid, this, this religious group did exorcisms on me,” Michael whispered, closing his eyes as he tried to tamper down the power still buzzing in his system. It hurt. “Feels the same.”

“Oh,” Eff said, “So, trauma.”

Michael huffed a laugh, but it was immediately followed by a shaky breath and he bowed his head as a new wave of tears hit him. He needed a break. He needed a break. He needed a break.

“I honestly didn’t know you could have trauma,” Eff said. Michael didn’t move. “I was taught all of you faked the pain for sympathy. I would ask you if you were faking that, but that stuff messes with your cerebrum. So… I guess you weren’t faking it.”

“No,” Michael said, still not lifting his head, “I wasn’t.”

They were both silent for a long while. Probably too long.

“Look, I don’t want to make you relive trauma. That’s not what I’m here for, so I just won’t do that again until you think you can handle it,” Eff said. Michael wasn’t sure he believed him, but he nodded anyway. He hoped it was true. “The next couple days I have shit to take care of, so I won’t be bringing you out here. So take that time to heal or whatever it is you do.”

And it almost seemed like he was being nice.

-

“This feels like a trap.”

“What do you mean? Why would I lead you into a trap?”

“I don’t know, why are you covering my eyes?”

“Oh my god, Alex, don’t you know what a surprise is?”

Michael didn’t remove his hands from Alex’s eyes as he slowly walked him to his birthday present. Alex had a deathgrip on his wrists which was fair enough. He very clearly didn’t like surprises, but Michael had been working on his present since he started meeting with Eff. It served as a very nice distraction.

They made their way to the ‘97 Audi that Michael had been putting back together and he reached around to open the driver’s side door. 

“Okay, duck your head and sit down,” he told Alex softly, ignoring his grumbling as he listened and let Michael lead him into the car.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked, “Why am I behind the wheel?”

“Can I trust you not to open your eyes for, like, a few more seconds while I get in?” Michael wondered. Alex took a long, deep breath that was specifically there to be dramatic.

“I  _ guess, _ ” Alex said. Michael smiled and quickly looked around the junkyard just to make sure they were alone before running to the passenger side. When he got in, he reached over to put the key in the ignition. It didn’t technically start yet, but she was getting there.

“Okay,” Michael said, “Open your eyes.”

Alex listened and immediately furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He looked at the steering wheel and then over at Michael, waiting for him to give an answer to what they were doing.

“Happy birthday,” Michael said. Alex blinked a couple times.

“Who’s car is this?”

“Yours, Alex,” Michael laughed. It somehow didn’t clear up anything and Michael laughed harder. It was the first time in a long time that he laughed. It felt nice. “Happy birthday.”

“I… I don’t get it,” Alex said. Michael smiled, shifting a little to stroke the dashboard. It was no longer dusty as it had been when he first started working with her. 

“This is the car I slept in for, like, a month before Sanders found me. It gave me a nice place to escape and gave me a place of my own even though it was a broken down piece of garbage. I’ve been fixing it up for you. So you have something that’s yours and not a hand-me-down that your dad controls. It’s still gonna take me a few more weeks to make it safe to drive, but… It’s yours.”

Alex stared at him for a few seconds and then turned towards the windshield. He placed hesitant hands on the steering wheel and gripped it tight. Michael just watched him, his new safe place inside his old safe place. It was nice.

With everything that happened yesterday, he needed this calm moment with Alex. Eff was out of town and that was enough to put him a little at ease despite the fact that he was still dealing with the aftermath of the test they’d done yesterday. He could still feel it like he had an exposed nerve and any little thing would be too much. So he worked on the car until he couldn’t hold himself up last night and then laid with Dog until sunrise. Then he went for a birthday breakfast at the Crashdown with Alex. Now he was here. And he still hadn’t slept. Couldn’t sleep.

“You got me… a car that you literally built?” Alex asked. Michael shrugged. He was getting slightly more nervous over his choice of gift the longer Alex took to respond.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not done yet, but yeah. Is that okay?” Michael asked. Alex looked at him again. He was always beautiful, but today he’d taken a little more time to do his makeup and he looked like a dream. It was unreal.

“Is that okay?” Alex echoed. Michael waited and watched as he smiled so big it made his heart pound a little harder in his chest. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Michael didn’t really get the chance to respond as Alex leaned over to kiss him. Within a few seconds, he’d moved from the driver’s seat to Michael’s lap, squeezing in the small space to kiss him harder. Michael, tired as he was, let himself relax against the kiss. He wondered if he could convince Alex to sleep over, maybe he could will himself to sleep then. Alex could take that energy pulsing through him and hold it for awhile so he could sleep.

Alex’s fingers gently trailed from his hair over his cheeks and across his jaw, sending chills down his spine the entire time. Michael took a deep breath as his fingers glided across his neck and pulled teasingly at the collar of his shirt. Alex just smiled, seeming devious even for his usual behavior. 

“I bet I can think of a few ways we can put the car into use without needing a functioning engine,” Alex told him, going to kiss his neck. Michael’s head lulled back against the headrest, completely just giving himself over to Alex for whatever he wanted.

Which was fine until he actually dozed off and jumped when he woke himself back up.

Alex pulled away and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. He was gorgeous as he always was, but he couldn’t hide the mix of concern and offense in his eyes. Damn those expressive eyes.

“Sorry, sorry, keep going,” Michael said, rubbing his sides gently as he kept his eyes wide to wake himself up. Alex didn’t listen, frowning and not knowing what to do with his hands. He decided on placing one on the door and the other on the center console. 

“Do you want me to go?” Alex asked. Michael shook his head.

“No, literally that’s the last thing I want. I-I just haven’t been sleeping well and, and I’ve had a migraine,” Michael said. It wasn’t a total lie. It did sort of feel like he had a migraine. Just… it wasn’t. “Don’t stop, that was just the first time my brain calmed down for a minute.”

“We can go take a nap.”

“No, no, it’s your birthday, I wanna do what you wanna do. If you wanna hook up in the car, then we’re doing that,” Michael insisted. Alex huffed a laugh, looking at him for a moment. He had those eyes like he was wondering just how sappy he could be without making it weird. Michael had decided there was no limit.

“I just wanna be with you, I don’t care what we’re doing,” Alex told him. Michael found himself smiling and Alex combed through his hair. “Now, let’s go lay down and I’ll kiss you ‘til you fall asleep. Can’t stay all day, though, I’m doing lunch with Liz and Maria and then dinner with my brother. So I’ll try to leave quiet.”

“Wait, I forgot to tell you that I can come tonight, with your brother,” Michael said. Alex’s whole face seemed to light up.

“Yeah?” he said. He quickly seemed to check himself and schooled his smile, giving that same sultry look he used to give all the time before they were being honest on what was actually going on. It made Michael wonder just how many times Alex had used that look to disguise his genuine infatuation. He smiled. “Good, ‘cause I probably won’t see him again until after Christmas.”

“What does your brother do again?”

“Family business, I’m not ‘mature enough’ to know,” Alex said, rolling his eyes as he mocked his father’s voice, “I will one day though.”

“Are you gonna go into it?” Michael asked. Alex shrugged. He didn’t know how he felt about the idea of Alex having to travel everywhere for work. He didn’t think he’d be able to with Eff around. Hell, he might not even be alive. “Well, if you do, make sure you give me a heads up so I know where to follow you to.”

Alex’s cheeks turned a shade of red and he rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Nah, let me do dumb shit like embarass myself in front of your brother and build you cars,” Michael said. If that’s all he could do, if he could get rid of Eff and just do dumb shit for Alex, his life would be better. That wasn't an option.

But today he could pretend that it was.

“Okay,” Alex chuckled, fingers again touching his jaw. He held him delicately as he tilted his head back and parted his lips with his own. “Let’s go get some sleep.”

“I’ll make sure to dream of ways to make you c‒”

“Shhh,” Alex laughed, “But definitely do.”

He agreed, but he knew his dreams would never be that pleasant.

-

“Shit, you guys are  _ serious  _ serious, huh?”

Alex scrunched up his nose, shaking his head as he dipped his fry into his shake. He had slipped out of Michael’s bed thirty minutes prior without so much as making a noise and Michael hadn’t stirred. Once he got to sleep, he moved more and mumbled more than he usually did, but Alex just chalked that up to his lack of sleep. He was just happy that things were going well.

“I don’t know about that,” Alex said. It wasn’t a total lie. They were still in high school and they were only 18. It felt stupid to say they were serious when they were so young and the future was so blurry for the both of them.

But, yeah, Alex felt kinda serious about him.

“Alex, he’s building you a  _ car, _ ” Maria pointed out, “My last boyfriend forgot my birthday and then tried to make up for it by giving me flowers that he left in his locker overnight.”

“Yeah, and Kyle got me his highlight reel,” Liz said. Alex huffed a laugh.

“Well, I mean, it’s not that big of a deal. From my understanding, the car wasn’t even that bad off, it just needs a new engine and battery, so he’s been working on that. Which, by the way, is something he does for fun anyway, so it was probably just convenient,” Alex said, shrugging.

“Super thoughtful gift just  _ happens  _ to be convenient,” Liz laughed.

“True love shit right there,” Maria said, raising her shake for a faux cheers.

“Then I  _ probably  _ shouldn’t say he’s meeting Flint tonight,” Alex said softly, smiling to himself. He liked to keep the details of their relationship to himself, but that was something he needed to share. When Alex was young, he never imagined he’d be able to do this. To have a person he could bring home to meet his family. But now he had one and he felt like he was on top of the world.

“Oh my God, Alex,” Maria said. He looked up at them and they both wore faces that were way closer to concern than excitement. It made his smile fall.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing, we’re happy for you,” Liz insisted, “Just… this all feels a little fast.”

“Yeah, I mean you  _ just  _ started seeing each other like, what, a month ago?”

Alex looked between them. It didn’t feel fast. It felt too slow. He quite liked them keeping it relatively quiet, but he also wanted to be with him every moment of the day. He wanted to just be with him.

“Almost three,” Alex corrected, “And it’s my birthday. It’s not that serious. It’s, it’s not like I’m coming out to my dad.”

“But it’s still Flint,” Liz said, whispering his name like it was a bad word, “Like, that feels serious. What if he tells your dad?”

“He won’t.”

“But if he‒”

“Okay,” Alex said, his mood officially dampened, “It’s my business. Don’t worry about it.”

“We’re just‒”

“I know, but stop. It’s my birthday, just pretend to be happy for me.”

“We are happy for you,” Maria insisted, “So happy. We just don’t want you getting hurt. He’s sweet and all, but he’s got a reputation.”

“So do I,” Alex stated simply. They didn’t have a rebuttal for that. “Just let me be happy.”

And they promised they would. Alex could only hope that Flint was a little more supportive.

-

Alex went back to Michael’s place after lunch and found that the junkyard was delightfully still.

He’d chosen to ignore Maria and Liz trying to worry him on his birthday and instead focused on the good of the day. His eyes drifted to the ‘97 Audi as he passed it and he smiled. Michael was  _ good.  _ He wasn’t going to hurt him. He wanted Alex just as much as Alex wanted him.

He parked behind Michael’s old pick-up, dragging his fingers across the side as he headed towards the front door. He’d only left him for a few hours, but Alex was still feeling a little giddy and eager. He wanted to kiss him until all he could feel was Michael in his veins.

Alex knocked on the door as more of a formality than actually expecting someone to answer. Nonetheless, someone  _ did  _ answer. Old Man Sanders stood there, oddly tall and imposing and catching Alex off guard.

“Is Michael home?” he asked. Mr. Sanders took a deep breath and nodded.

“He is,” Mr. Sanders said. But, instead of letting Alex inside, he took a step outside and closed the door behind him. Alex blinked in surprise and took a step back. “But I’mma need to have a little talk with you first.”

He hadn’t ever really had a talk with Mr. Sanders except for the few times they were in the kitchen or living room at the same time. And that was always with Michael present. 

This felt like a  _ talk. _

“Yes, Sir,” Alex said. Mr. Sanders eyed him in a very neutral way which seemed like a massive step down from the approval he got before.

“I ain’t got time to act like there’s not something wrong with my boy,” he said. Alex stood up a little straighter. “You’re the one he’s with all the time. You know what’s goin’ on?”

“No, Sir,” Alex answered easily. He really didn’t, though Sanders didn’t seem to believe him. “I really don’t know, Sir. I know there’s something wrong, but he said that he just hasn’t been sleeping. I take him for his word.”

Mr. Sanders stared at him for a long time. A  _ really  _ long time. Alex was starting to feel like maybe he should’ve been reading more into the situation. Maybe there was something actually going on and he wasn’t just not sleeping. 

“You tell me if you see somethin’,” he said and he didn’t wait for a reply before he walked down the steps and started making his way towards the front of the junkyard. Alex stayed by the door for a few extra seconds to regain his composure.

Alex slowly let himself inside and toed off his shoes after closing the door behind him. He made his way to Michael’s bedroom and found the door locked despite the fact that he hadn’t locked it before he left. He furrowed his eyebrows and knocked.

“Guerin?” he called. A few seconds later, the door unlocked and Alex let himself in. Somehow, Michael had already made it back into bed inside a blanket cocoon. It made him smile. “Hey.”

“Mm,” Michael grunted. Alex crawled in beside him, wrapping his arms around the mass of man and blanket and kissed the back of his neck in greeting.

His skin was warmer than it usually was and he had sweat matting his hair, but he didn’t seem keen on getting out of the blanket. Alex frowned a little and pressed the back of his hand to his cheek and then to his forehead. Michael always ran hot, but now it was like he was on fire. He’d been hot earlier, but Alex had assumed it was because they were out in the sun.

“Are you getting sick?” Alex asked.

“No,” Michael whispered. 

“I don’t know if I believe that,” he said, keeping his hand on his cheek. He almost felt like he was radiating energy, like he was hovering over something that was going to shock him. He could  _ feel  _ static electricity beneath his skin. He could honestly say he’d never felt something like that in a person before. Was he like that earlier and he just hadn’t realized because of the excitement of the car? “Michael, seriously, do you need to go to the doctor?”

“No doctor,” he said, more firm and awake than before. Alex’s concern didn’t fade.

“Maybe I should go get Mr. Sanders.”

“No, I’m fine,” Michael insisted, his eyes opening. His pupils were blown and Alex was struggling to remember if they’d looked like that before.

“Are you high? Did you take something?”

“No, Alex, I’m fine, I swear,” Michael said, his arm coming out of the blanket cocoon and reaching up for him. Alex let himself be pulled down, but his worry wasn’t cured.

“Maybe you should skip dinner tonight,” he suggested, pecking his lips only once before he hovered over him. Alex wanted him to come, but not when he was so obviously not himself. Or maybe it was only obvious because he had everyone warn him about it. He wasn’t sure.

“Alex, I am fine,” he insisted, “I just woke up, that’s why I look like garbage. But I’m glad to know you agree that I look sick when I just wake up.”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“Mhm, just let me be a good boyfriend and meet your brother.”

Alex hesitated as he looked at him for a long time. He still wasn’t sure. But, then again, that might just be last minute nerves.

“Then get up and get ready.”

“One more kiss first,” Michael bargained.

“Okay,” Alex agreed, pressing another kiss to his lips before they both got up. 

Michael basically stumbled to his feet, struggling to find his center of gravity and only concerning Alex more. But he gave him a set of finger guns in a veiled attempt to assuage his thoughts and Alex decided to let him.

When he got to the bedroom door, it was locked again and he didn’t remember locking it.

Weird.

-

Michael let Alex drive his truck to wherever they were meeting his brother.

He was doing his best to hide the fact that there was something going on, but he seemed to be failing. Sleep helped him a little, but whatever that shit was that Eff put in his system was still there. He wondered how long it would be until it passed. Hopefully soon or Alex was going to think he was actually doing drugs if he wasn’t already convinced.

So Michael wore more layers and stared at himself in the mirror until he felt like he looked normal enough. He wanted to make a good impression despite all the bullshit in the world and he was determined to do so.

“Oh, this song is really good,” Alex said, turning up the song that honestly just sounded identical to a majority of the other music Alex listneed to. It was all drums and guitar and screaming, all clashing together in something that was objectively in tune, but that didn’t make it pleasing to hear. Still, Michael smiled.

“Sounds fun.”

“So fun,” Alex said before starting to ramble about the band’s process of writing it along with other random fun facts about the band in general. Michael didn’t even catch the name, but he gladly listened to Alex talk about them.

When they pulled up to the restaurant, Alex tapered off and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t seen my brother in months,” he said, turning to Michael with a smile on his face. 

“Well, get excited.”

Alex pulled out his phone before he moved to get out of the truck, typing in a number he clearly knew by heart and put it up to his ear. Michael waited patiently, settling into the seat of his truck as he watched Alex. Sweet Alex with his face all lit up with excitement. He didn’t try to hide it.

“Hey, Flint,” Alex said, “We’re here… Okay, we’ll go get a table… Okay, see you soon… Love you too, bye.”

“Love you too, bye,” Michael echoed as teasingly as he could manage after Alex ended the call. Alex rolled his eyes.

“My mom taught us young that you never know when you’re going to see someone for the last time. We always say I love you,” Alex said, pausing for a second, “Well, my brothers and I. Not my dad and him not to us. I think we got different messages from her saying people might go away.”

It was stupid, really, but hearing that made Michael’s heart sink to his stomach and he felt like he was going to be sick. With the bullshit position he’d found himself in, he could disappear at any moment and Alex would just have to find out by him no longer being there. He would just be… gone.

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, shaking off his worries, “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Do you remember your mom?” Alex asked. Michael barely had time to react before Alex seemed appalled by his own question. “I’m sorry, don’t answer that, that was mean.”

“No, I don’t,” Michael said honestly, “I wish I did.”

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember mine. I feel like it hurts more knowing she chose to leave,” Alex said. Michael didn’t know what to say. “I’m bringing the mood down, let’s go inside.”

Michael followed obediently and he could feel himself acting weird. Thankfully, he could pass it off as just due to the talk about mothers and not his ever-present existential crisis and looming threat.

“He said he’s gonna be here soon,” Alex said after the hostess led them to a table, “He had to go talk to my dad first, but he’s on his way.”

“Fair enough.”

The two of them slid into a booth across from each other and, for a moment, it felt like a real date. Sure, they ate at the Crashdown together a couple times, but they kept it platonic and kept touching to a minimum. Right now, though, they were outside of Roswell and it felt safer to do whatever they wanted.

So Michael kicked his leg under the table.

“Are you five?” Alex asked, tilting his head to the side just a little. Michael shrugged and kicked him again. “How do you go from looking like a sick mess to kicking me like a toddler?”

“I’m a man of range,” Michael declared. Alex rolled his eyes and kicked him back. “Ow, that was my shin.”

“You started it,” Alex laughed. Michael bit down on his lip and and carefully pulled his foot out of his shoe, reaching across to put his foot in his lap. Alex shook his head and grabbed his ankle, his thumb pressing down and slowly pushing up past the cuff of his jeans. It sent chills down his spine and agitated the power still brewing beneath his skin and he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. “Use your manners, Guerin.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Alex smiled and rolled his eyes again, dropping his foot. Michael put his shoe back on.

The waitress brought them water and Alex said they were waiting for one more person before they ordered, so she left them with their menus. Michael’s eyes instinctively looked for the cheapest items there. He had a little bit of money to his name after helping out Sanders, but it still felt stupid to blow it on something like expensive food. He’d just never say that to Alex because he deserved anything he wanted.

“Baby brother!” Someone said, a little too loud for a restaurant and Alex immediately acted. Michael followed Alex as he basically body slammed into his brother, the two men hugging tightly and unashamed. Which would be the sweetest thing if his brother hadn’t looked up and made direct eye contact with Michael. “And baby brother’s boyfriend.”

Michael’s heart stopped working and he could feel Eff’s eyes boring into him. It didn’t make sense. Did he know? He watched Michael, had he figured it out? If he didn’t know, was he going to kill him for it? And if Eff was apparently in some family business and this was it… What did that mean for Alex? Did  _ Alex  _ know?

He felt sick.

“Michael, this is Flint,” Alex introduced, “Flint this is Michael.”

“Nice to meet you, Michael,” Eff said, staring at him with too much intensity like he always did. For a split second, Michael wondered how the fuck he missed it. Alex and Eff both had those eyes that could kill a man. He shouldn’t have been so stupid. 

“Nice to meet you too,” Michael forced himself to say. Eff held his hand out to Michael and he took it, shaking it like they didn’t know each other. Like they hadn’t spent the last couple weeks together in an experiment box. Like Michael still wasn’t reeling from whatever fucking drug he put into his system.

“So, Michael, my baby brother likes you. That’s an achievement because he usually doesn’t like anyone,” Flint stated, sitting down on the side of the booth with Alex. Even though Alex didn’t know (hopefully), it felt like Michael was being ganged up on by Manes Men. He hated that feeling. “Must be something about you.”

“Flint, shut up,” Alex laughed, “I told you no threatening lecture.”

“I’m not threatening him,” he said all while giving him a look that was  _ definitely  _ threatening, “I’m just making conversation.”

The next ten minutes went by in a blur of Eff clearly judging him and threatening him in a way that wouldn’t seem abnormal to Alex. He stared at him like he always did, watching him and waiting for him to fuck up. And  _ Alex  _ stared at him like he always did, watching him and giving him his full attention. Michael was beginning to feel lightheaded.

“I’ll be right back,” Alex said, slipping out of the booth to go to the bathroom. He gave Michael a secret little look, silently asking if that was okay. Michael didn’t want to seem like anything was wrong, so he nodded and Alex smiled and left him alone. 

Left them alone.

“So,” Eff said, dropping the nice brother act he had with Alex, “You’ve been using my little brother.”

“I’m not using him,” Michael said. He was trying not to sound angry, but it wasn’t hard to hear it anyway. “He-he’s, he’s‒”

“Human,” Eff finished, his face icy and stoic. Michael swallowed harshly. “You aren’t. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking dating a human in the first place, but I sure as hell won’t have you fucking my brother.”

“I didn’t know he was your brother.”

“You shouldn’t be touching any human,” Eff said, voice low, “You are dangerous. Do you not remember what you did to the shed yesterday? Do you not remember losing control? How easy it was to destroy shit? You think I want any human around that? You’re lucky I let you keep going to school, but this‒”

“I have never lost control before that,” Michael insisted, “Not since I was a kid and I didn’t hurt anyone. I don’t hurt people, you’ve seen me.”

Eff huffed a laugh, shaking his head, “You know, I know you apparently have feelings or whatever, but this… this is just sick. He has no idea what you are and you’re just tricking him into a dangerous situation. What do you get out of that, huh? I should take you back to the lab with the rest.”

Michael looked somewhere over his shoulder at that. Part of him wanted to argue, wanted to point out all the reasons why he liked Alex, wanted to prove that he’d never lose control or purposely harm him. But instead he let himself just take it.

All he said was, “Alex is nice to me.”

“Because Alex is  _ good, _ ” Eff said, “Alex is a good person. I do what I do to make sure he gets the fuck away from our dad, but you just have to ruin that too, don’t you? And he really likes you, too, which makes it really fucking hard to take you because then I hurt my brother by keeping him safe. He’s never really been the kind to understand that, so instead we gotta go a different way.”

“Okay.”

“You get one warning. You end things with him. If I so much as find out that you’re still looking his way, I will not give you another chance. Your information isn’t worth tainting my fucking brother. So you get the fuck away from him, do you hear me?” Eff instructed.

“Okay.” 

“Good,” Eff said, leaning back with a scoff, “You’re fucking pathetic.”

Alex showed back up a few seconds later, smiling and blind to the situation between Michael and Eff. He looked happier than Michael had ever seen him and he really,  _ really  _ did not want to take that away. But he didn’t have a choice.

One of the main reasons Michael had bargained with Eff at all was to stay with Alex, but now that was the reason he was close to being taken forever. So he had to just let it go for his own sake. No, for Isobel and Max. He needed to keep them safe.

So that meant no Alex. That was fine.

This was fine.

-

The more Michael thought about it, the more he was able to assure himself that he was absolutely and totally fine.

He could handle Eff, he could handle not having Alex, he could handle school, he could handle football, he could handle cars. Simple. Easy. He was going to be fine. By the time he got home, he was sure of it.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” Alex said, still smiling that bright smile as he looked at him. Michael was easily able to give it right back. “Maria and Liz made, like, a whole thing about it as if it was going to be a big deal. But it wasn’t, right? Like you and Flint got along pretty well.”

“Yeah,” Michael said, “He’s a cool guy.”

“I knew you’d like him,” Alex said, leaning across the center console and kissing him. Michael closed his eyes and tried not to think too hard about it being their last kiss because he would be absolutely fine without them. “I can come in for a little while. Maybe we can‒”

“I’m not gonna take time away from your brother, you don’t have to stay,” Michael said, “I’m just going to go to sleep anyway.”

Alex looked at him skeptically, but he didn’t argue. He just nodded and kissed him again.

“Happy birthday, Alex, and goodnight,” he said.

“Goodnight, Michael.”

Michael waited until Alex’s car was halfway to the road before heading inside. Sanders was sitting on the couch instead of in his room and, when Michael walked in, he stood up. Michael ignored him. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with it. But Sanders clearly had different ideas.

“Sit down with me for a minute,” Sanders said. Michael shook his head.

“Nah, I’m gonna go take a shower, we can talk tomorrow,” he said. Sanders took a step in front of him, blocking his way to his bedroom. Michael sighed.

“We’re gonna talk about what’s wrong with you,” Sanders said. It clearly took a lot of effort for him to ask that and Michael knew how little he liked talking about anything and everything. He wondered just how long Sanders had been noticing something if he was asking about it.

“Yeah, no,” Michael said, trying to push past him. Sanders grabbed his arm.

“You gonna tell me what’s goin’ on right now or so help me‒”

“Or what?” Michael demanded, throwing his arm off and glaring at him, “What are you gonna do? Yell at me? Hit me? Do it, I fucking dare you. I’m not smaller than you anymore and we  _ both  _ know what I’m capable of. So try it.” 

Sanders glared right back, taking a long, deep breath. Michael waited for him to say something, give him a reason to lose it. He needed to burn some of his frustration from the night off anyway. He was just going to sneak out and work on one of the cars but getting in a fight sounded like an option too.

“Yell at me all you want, fight me if you wanna, I ain’t gonna let you go ‘til you say what’s botherin’ you. Your Mama didn’t leave you with me for‒”

“My mom didn’t do shit. My mom is gone and you just so happened to find me. You’re just a fucking placeholder,” Michael spat. Sanders shook his head.

“Maybe I am, but you sure as hell aren’t,” he said. Michael went to say something snide right back, but he found himself coming up short. “I don’t care what you think, you’re still my boy. I took you in, I said I’d take care of you, so I’m gonna. Let me take care of you. Let me fix what’s wrong.”

Michael stared at him, letting his words sink in further than he wanted to. It was the most Sanders had ever spoken and it was the most he’d ever sounded like a real dad. Michael didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t like that someone cared about him like that. He really, really hated it.

What was going to happen when Michael was gone?

“Stop it,” Michael said, “Stop it. You can’t fix it.”

“Fix what?” Sanders said.

That same power that still stayed in his body slowly started to pool in his stomach. It was too much. Tears burned in the back of his eyes.

“You can’t fix it,” Michael repeated. Worry creased in Sanders’ brow and he put his hand back on Michael’s arm. “You can’t fix it, you can’t fix it, you can’t fix it.”

“I fixed it last time, didn’t I?” he asked. And that was too much.

Tears started flowing from his eyes and his chest clenched, power leaving his system and shaking everything in the trailer. The more he tried to stop, the more he just felt weak and his knees eventually gave out. Sanders caught him, falling to his knees with him and just pulling him into a hug. They didn’t hug. 

“I fucked up,” Michael cried, “I-I-I can’t fix it. I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die.”

Sanders didn’t bother arguing with him in that state, instead he just held him like he was a little boy and needed comfort. Because somehow, with everything he’d been through, he was just a little boy who needed comfort. He let Sanders hold onto him until he got calm and then didn’t pull away when he could breathe again.

“Nothing’s gonna harm you,” Sanders said, “Not while I’m around. You hear me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

But he knew that he was going to lose this fight and there was nothing Sanders could do about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has a support system whether he sees it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends it's been -checks calender- a while lmao
> 
> anyway, hope you like it!

Michael woke up to a hand on his forehead.

He jolted awake at the feeling of someone touching him, only for it to be Sanders sitting on the edge of his bed and looking insanely worried. It took a few seconds of heavy breathing, but Michael settled back into his mattress and balled up more in his blankets that were cocooning him. He felt a little less like he was going to explode with power than the last time he woke up, but he was still uncomfortable.

Then again, he would probably be uncomfortable for the rest of his life.

“In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you lose control like that,” Sanders said. Michael squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head. It was too early for that conversation. Technically, he didn’t know what time it was, but it  _ felt  _ too early. “You passed out on the floor.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said. Sanders didn’t say anything, but the bed creaked as he moved.

“Sit up, drink some water.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You’re going to drink it,” Sanders said, not room in his tone for argument, “And you’re going to eat. You need to flush whatever’s in your system out somehow.”

Michael peeked up at him again. So he knew something. How much did he know? That was a question Michael constantly found himself asking when it came to Sanders. He always seemed to know way more than he was actually willing to say.

“You’re not going to school. You’re going to stay here for a couple days until your system clears,” he said. Michael shook his head.

“No, I-I have practice and‒”

“Michael,” Sanders said, “I know you won’t tell me what’s goin’ on, but you ain’t goin’ anywhere. If your mama saw the way you were last night, she wouldn’t let you out of her sight, so I ain’t either. Not until I figure out why you feel like you’re gonna die.”

“My mom  _ did  _ let me out of her sight.”

“For your own good,” Sanders insisted.

Michael couldn’t help but disagree. Even if she had thought it was, he couldn’t imagine how the life he was leading was better than the time he didn’t get with her. It wasn’t fair at all and it never would be. He just wanted her. He wanted her more than he ever had before.

They were quiet for a moment before Michael eventually sat up a bit and drank the water he was forcing on him. Then he laid back down and Sanders didn’t leave. After a few more seconds of sitting in silence, Michael realized Dog was laying on his bed behind him, both Dog and Sanders seeming to have no intention of leaving him alone as if guarding him.

If only they knew that he wasn’t worth guarding.

“Michael,” Sanders said. Michael looked up at him again. He never used his name like that. “Is it a person?”

“Huh?”

“What you think is tryin’ to kill you, is it a person?” Sanders asked. Michael didn’t answer, but that seemed to do all the speaking for him. “We can grab a bag and go.”

“Sanders…”

“I got people across the country that know too much, Boy, I say I need a safehouse, I can find one,” Sanders said. And, once again, it was saying more than he ever really had before. Sanders didn’t talk about those years in between losing his makeshift family and coming back to Roswell to find him. Michael had just assumed he’d stayed angry and alone everywhere he went.

Apparently that wasn’t the case.

“No, they can track me and I don’t want to put you in danger,” Michael admitted. Sanders huffed a little laugh.

“Boy, you ain’t thinkin’ if you think I’m not already in danger,” he said simply. Michael balled up more. “Didn’t say it was ‘cause of you.”

“We can’t just leave.”

“How are they trackin’ you? If it’s your phone, we can trash that. If it’s somethin’ else, I know a guy up in Montana.”

Michael laughed softly, but it didn’t come without a wave of tears in his eyes. He didn’t know what was the right thing to do. Maybe he should just leave, but what would happen if Eff found him? Or if one of the many people Eff worked with? Or, worse, he took it out on someone else that he’d run away? 

“I can’t leave Isobel and Max.”

“Well, I can’t do much about that, but they ain’t my responsibility,” Sanders said. Michael sniffled and shook his head.

“I can’t leave, but you should. I-I don’t want you to be collateral damage,” Michael insisted, rubbing his eye with his fist. Sanders laughed bitterly and his hand gripped Michael’s shoulder.

“I don’t usually like you thinkin’ I’m old, but I am. I promised to keep you safe and if somethin’ happens to me doin’ that, then I ain’t collateral damage. I’m just doin’ my job,” he said like it was simple. Michael sniffled and shook his head.

He hated this. He hated this so fucking much.

“I need to go back to school Tuesday and act normal, go to my games and practice and pretend it’s not bothering me,” Michael said, wiping his face, “It’ll buy me time to figure out what to do. I just, just have to be on my best behavior.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Michael said, taking a deep breath, “But can you do me one favor? Don’t let Alex come over.”

Sanders looked at him in confusion for a moment, but something akin to understanding dawned on him and he nodded. Michael wasn’t sure what exactly he got from that, whether he assumed Alex was at fault or if he jumped to the idea that he was protecting him. Somehow, it was both and neither at the same time.

“Alright, Boy, I trust your judgement. I’mma go make you somethin’ to eat, stay here.”

Michael had no desire to move.

-

Alex liked having Flint around, he really did, but the silence outside of the clink of silverware was deafening.

He kept looking between Flint and his father, waiting for  _ something  _ to happen. He knew they wouldn’t speak about the business in front of him, but he thought they’d do  _ something. _ Instead, it seemed to be full of just them staring at each other and angrily eating. If it was anything other than father and son, Alex would’ve assumed he was intruding.

Hell, part of him still felt like he was intruding.

“So, Alex,” his dad said, still not looking away from his brother, “You’re eighteen now.”

“Yes, Sir,” he said, nodding his head. 

It was weirdly formal, but his father hadn’t actually  _ acknowledged  _ his birthday on the actual day. He never really did, especially after his mom left. It seemed like he viewed it as a very rude reminder that his wife had left him. Alex was fine with not celebrating as long as it meant he didn’t have to deal with any backlash.

“Dad,” Flint said, voice stoic, “No.”

Their dad tilted his head as he looked to Flint with nothing but sheer contempt. Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The two of them stared at each other, seeming to hold a silent conversation all about Alex. He wasn’t a fan.

“In a few weeks, you and I are going on a trip,” his dad said, turning to Alex again. Alex nodded.

“Yes, sir.”

“ _ Dad, _ ” Flint said.

“What, Flint? You were 18, Gregory and Clay were both 18. Alex is 18, it’s time. He’s a grown man now,” he said. It was the first time he’d spoken like Alex had any agency at all and it was still involving his own decision about what Alex needed to do. Alex didn’t know whether to be excited or not.

“I can handle it,” Alex assured his brother, smiling softly. Flint didn’t smile back. All of his light excitement from the day before was gone and he nodded once before getting up from the table.

“Flint, get your ass back here and pick up your plate,” his dad instructed. Part of Alex expected Flint not to listen, but he still came back and picked up his plate. He rinsed it off in the sink and went to head back to the hallway. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Flint took a loud breath and turned again, picking up their father’s plate and rinsing it off just like Alex had done every night they had dinner together since his brothers moved out and he didn’t have anyone to share the duty with. It was a respect thing, his dad insisted.

However, as much as he loved his brother, watching Flint wash his father’s plate forced Alex to realize just how much his brother was still under their father’s thumb.

Alex couldn’t make himself eat anymore and, thankfully, it wasn’t a night where he was going to be forced to sit at the table the whole night. He pretty quickly finished up and made it back to his room where he immediately pulled out his phone. He hadn’t been able to talk to Michael all day‒it was torture.

_ Alex: i miss you :( _

He tugged his pillow under his head and watched his phone, waiting for a response. However, as the time ticked by, he never did. Which was extremely out of character. He clearly hadn’t been feeling well yesterday, so maybe he’d been sleeping. But he hadn’t texted him all day…

Maybe Alex was being clingy. Liz and Maria were both so sure that he was moving too fast, so maybe he was. They were allowed to go a day without speaking to each other. Even if they hadn’t since they began hooking up… Well, that didn’t matter.

He waited and he waited until he got tired of waiting. He clearly wasn’t going to get a response.

And that was… fine.

-

Michael kept falling asleep.

He didn’t know how the hell he was even managing it when he was so stressed. He should be unable to do anything but stay awake and worry, but it seemed he just kept passing out. He wasn’t entirely sure Sanders wasn’t drugging him to make sure he slept it off.

Still, it felt good to be somewhat rested by the time Isobel came knocking. He didn’t even get the chance to sit up and properly greet her before he was climbing into his bed. She didn’t speak or scold or question him like he expected. Instead, she crawled beneath the covers and pulled them over both of their heads. He felt young again.

“I wasn’t just paranoid when I thought someone was watching me, was I?” Isobel asked in the safety of his blanket. Michael shook his head slowly and let the two of them sit in silence for a long stretch of time.

Michael didn’t really know what to say to her. He wasn’t going to say it had anything to do with Alex, that simply wasn’t an option. Isobel would blame him and Michael was pretty sure Alex had no idea. Eff seemed convinced that Alex had no idea and wanted to keep it that way.

“You shouldn’t be around me,” Michael said, “For your own safety.”

“What about your safety?”

“Not important.”

“Shut up,” Isobel said, scooting closer. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tugged his face into the crook of her neck. She was nothing but protective as she cradled him close, shielding him away from the world.

It’d been too long since he’d spent time with her, too long since he’d had his sister. Was a guy really worth all of this? Because he shouldn’t be. No one should be worth all of this. It should be easy to cut Alex off, to go back to just handling Eff and dealing with life. So why was it such an impossible thing to grasp?

“I need your help,” Michael murmured into the soft fabric of her shirt.

“What is it?”

“I need you to keep me from talking to Alex,” he said. Isobel froze for a moment. “It’s to keep him safe. I just… need reinforcements.”

“Okay, I can do that,” Isobel insisted. She held him still as she reached over to grab his phone. She fiddled around on it for a moment and he was pretty sure she blocked his number.

He should really talk to Alex to his face and tell him they couldn’t be together, that would be the right thing to do. But, really, was anything about this  _ right?  _ It didn’t feel like it. It was unfair and cruel and miserable, but he did this to himself. Michael had been reckless and this was his punishment.

Besides, he had Isobel and he had Sanders. He had no room to complain.

“Can I help with anything else?” Isobel asked cautiously. Michael shook his head, taking a deep breath.

“Just, when I go back to school, make sure I don’t do anything stupid,” Michael requested.

“God, Michael, I didn’t say give me a hard job,” she said, teasing to lighten the situation. He smiled and, though it didn’t last long, it was still welcome. “I’ve got you, don’t worry. I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you.”

“Always.”

-

Walking into school was hellish.

Michael kept his head down and stayed close to Max and Isobel. Any time he was near Alex, he avoided him. In times when Max and Isobel weren’t around, he chose to stick by his teammates who welcomed him into the group without a thought. He just couldn’t be around Alex. He would cave and that would do no one any good.

But whatever Eff had put in him was now gone and he felt somewhat normal. Or, at least, not like he was a ticking time bomb. So that was good. It also helped that Eff hadn’t shown up to take him to the shed. That part, however, made him more paranoid than anything.

He was able to ignore Alex for a few days, but he should’ve known that that time was limited. This was Alex Manes he was dealing with‒he wasn’t stupid and he wasn’t oblivious either.

He showed up in his Calc class, his normal bored expression on his face. He never showed just  _ anyone  _ that pretty smile. That was sacred and special.

“Michael,” his teacher called, “Mrs. Doyle needs you, take your things.”

And Michael couldn’t exactly say  _ no,  _ could he? With a stifled sigh, Michael grabbed his bag and followed Alex out of the classroom. This was bound to happen anyway. They needed to talk.

Alex didn’t spare him a look over his shoulder as he led them to their spot. They hadn’t really hooked up in there lately, finding themselves much more reliably in Michael’s bed instead. But here they were, back in the dimly lit, abandoned office. And Alex didn’t show him his pretty smile which was probably a good thing.

“You blocked my number,” Alex said, not even bothering to beat around the bush. Michael’s eyes stayed on the ground. “What the fuck? Can’t even say you don’t want me to my face? You have to block me?”

“That’s not…”

“What? That’s not what? That’s what happened. And, look, feel free to fill in the blanks on what I did that pushed you away so fast. I mean, seriously? How do you go from building me a fucking car to blocking me in two days? What kind of bullshit is that?” Alex demanded. Michael closed his eyes and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Okay, so maybe he should’ve prepared for this conversation more.

“I just… Need space,” Michael said slowly.

“See, that’s what I thought too, at first. Oh, he just needs fucking space, cool, fun, fine,” Alex said, “But then I was like, no, my boyfriend wouldn’t do that without telling me. Then you  _ blocked  _ me. That-that’s not asking for space, that’s cutting me the fuck off.”

“Isobel did it.”

“Okay, and? You didn’t undo it or stop her,” Alex accused. He stopped sounding like he was going to rip Michael’s head off. He had about two seconds to think it was a good thing before he realized Alex had switched over to sounding like he was about to cry.

It was significantly worse.

“What did I do?” Alex asked. His voice didn’t crack, but it wasn’t exactly comforting. “You won’t even look at me. I hate to sound clingy, but, fuck, Guerin, you’re being a dick to me. I get it if you don’t wanna be with me, but have the balls to say it to my face.”

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He couldn’t say that. It was so remarkably untrue.

Michael reluctantly forced himself to look up at Alex and he took in the sad expression he wore so plainly. It was honest and raw and it  _ hurt.  _

“I want to be with you,” Michael said‒because he was so, so stupid. Alex, thankfully, didn’t lighten up.

“Then why are you being so mean to me? I thought…” Alex trailed off, looking at him and then the wall, “Did Flint say something to you? Because this changed after you met him.”

“No,” Michael said firmly, “I’ve just… I’ve been training and stressed and, and I won’t get scouted if I’m out. I thought it would be easier if I just…”

“If you just treated me like I’m garbage and won’t even have a conversation with me?” Alex said. Michael closed his eyes and tilted his head back. “Fuck you.”

“I deserve that.”

“Why would you build me a car and meet me brother? Why would you do half the shit you’ve done if you had no intention of being with me for longer than a few months?” Alex demanded. Michael swallowed and laughed softly. Where was Isobel when he needed her to whisk him away?

“Because I didn’t know that this would be an issue. I didn’t know being with you put so many people at risk,” Michael admitted. It was probably too truthful‒he was making it sound like it was more serious than football. Because it was.

But maybe he could convince Alex that he was extremely shallow.

Part of him wished he could simply be honest. If he was around Alex, Flint would find out and he would be completely and utterly fucked. But Alex loved his brother. He was a lot of things, but mean enough to use Alex as a weapon wasn’t one of them. He would just have to push Alex away himself.

“Then talk to me! Be my boyfriend!” Alex snapped, “Don’t just fucking ghost me! We didn’t  _ need  _ to go public. I didn’t want to in the first place and we barely have anyway. I was  _ perfectly  _ content doing nothing but being with you privately.”

Michael kept his eyes on the ceiling. He needed to be rude. He needed Alex to not want him anymore.  _ Hate me. Call me an asshole. Break up with me. You’re better than me, say it. _

“You should’ve talked to me,” Alex said.

“Okay.”

Alex was quiet for what really felt like an hour, but was more likely just the worst 30 seconds of Michael’s life. This truly wasn’t fair. In a perfect world, he would get to be miserable and have Alex hold him and make him feel better about this whole shitty situation. They could take a nap together and Alex could shield him from all the bad in the world. Or, actually, in a perfect world he wouldn’t be miserable at all.

“Be nice to me,” Alex demanded. It was in the same tone of voice that he used when he said  _ ‘touch me’,  _ like he was telling Michael to do something that he knew Michael already wanted to do. It almost had him laughing. “I know you. I know you’re not an asshole. That guy who built me a car and let me paint his nails and dreams about being close to me just to keep himself calm is who you are. You’re… You’re not this.”

“And what if I am? What if I’m just really good at pretending to be charming?” Michael asked.

Alex kicked his shin. Not hard enough to hard, but enough to make him look at him in the eyes.

“Be nice to me,” Alex repeated, “Unblock me and be nice to me. If that means breaking up with me to my face, then do it. If it means apologizing to me and working your ass off to make it up to me, then do it.”

The thing about Alex Manes was that his eyes were insane. In a good way, of course, but they were impossible to lie to and impossible to deny. He knew he needed to reject him, that was the safe way to do things. That’s what would keep him and the people he loved safe.

But he wanted Alex.

He wanted slow kisses and warm cuddles. He wanted flirty texts and a place to nap. Alex was everything he wanted and everything he couldn’t have. But, maybe if he was careful…

“We can’t be seen together,” Michael said. Alex shrugged.

“Okay.”

“You deserve someone you can be seen with.”

“Why are you telling me what I deserve? You think I can’t make my own decisions?” Alex asked. Michael sniffled and looked around the room, trying to find the courage to deny him. He needed to. It was the right thing to do. 

“We’re going to get hurt,” Michael said.  _ I’ll probably die,  _ he didn’t say. Maybe if Flint was feeling nice he would leave Isobel and Max and Sanders alone. Maybe he could beg. He wasn’t above begging. 

“I want to be with you,” Alex said like it was easy, “I’m not afraid of saying it to your face, I don’t care if you think I’m clingy. Either say you don’t want me or act like you fucking do. I’m not here for this passive aggressive shit.”

“You’re a hard man to lie to, Alex Manes,” Michael said softly, shaking his head as he took a step forward. Alex scoffed.

“Then don’t lie.”

Michael took a deep breath and knelt on the ground. Alex didn’t ask what he was doing, simply let him move in close and rest his face against his stomach. Arms went around him and held him there. And, god, it was stupid.

But he felt safe for the first time in days.

-

“Alex, are you okay?”

“What?”

“You haven’t spoken about Michael in days.”

Alex rolled his eyes and threw a fry at Maria who dodged it with a laugh. For the days that Michael had been vehemently ignoring him, Alex had kept his mouth shut. Liz and Maria had both made it pretty clear they didn’t really approve of them moving so fast, so he kept it to himself when it seemed they were right.

And, well, now that they were going back to keeping it silent, he didn’t know exactly what to say. He really didn’t want to prove them right. But he liked Michael and there was clearly something going on that he wasn’t saying. He could pull the football card all he wanted, but that wasn’t what was actually going on.

Alex didn’t plan on letting him go that easily when he was hiding something that was fucking him up so badly. He’d eventually get him to speak. When he did, he wanted Michael to know that Alex wasn't going anywhere.

“We’re being lowkey,” Alex decided to say. Both girls shared a  _ look  _ that made him want to bash his face into a wall.

“Lowkey?” Liz asked. Alex shrugged, dipping his fry into his shake. 

He felt a little bit better about the whole situation after Michael climbed into his bedroom window the night before. Any question on whether he should actually break up with him or not vanished. Michael was shaky and had lost weight, new scars dawning his skin from the last time Alex had touched him. Something was going on. He wasn’t going to let them convince him to change his mind.

“Shit came up, we’re being lowkey.”

“Alex…”

“Nope, not letting you talk me out of it,” Alex insisted, “I don’t want to hear it. If I wanted to, I would bring him up.”

They went through their whole routine anyway. “We don’t want you to get hurt” and “we just care about you” all of which were totally valid, but they didn’t have the full story. They weren’t understanding that something was wrong and he couldn’t tell them because he didn’t know what it was yet. He wasn’t going to just abandon him. Michael had known nothing but abandonment for most of his life and he wasn’t about to be another person on the list.

“It sounds toxic, Alex,” Liz said, “Especially if he’s suddenly trying to force you back into the closet.”

“He’s not  _ forcing  _ me to do anything, it was a mutual agreement. We want to be more lowkey, we liked it better that way,” Alex insisted. It wasn’t even a lie. He preferred being quiet. It was nicer.

And it made it easier for him to scope out what the fuck was going on.

“If you say so…” Maria said. 

“I do.”

They lapsed into silence and Alex couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. They were just trying to watch out for him and he was pushing them away. He really just had to stick it out until he was able to help Michael with whatever was fucking with him.

And, more importantly, he just had to hope it was worth it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael caves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for syringes, torture, etc i'm beginning to just feel like I'm writing torture porn and not in a sexy dark fic way

Coach pulled Michael aside after debatably the worst game of his life.

“What’s going on with you?” he demanded. 

Michael stared at him, blinking slowly as he tried to reorient his mind. Ever since he discovered that Eff was really a Manes, that this “family business” they had was torturing aliens, he hadn’t been functioning very well. It’d only gotten worse after Alex called him out and Michael couldn’t tell him no, suddenly having to balance a very hush-hush relationship on top of everything else. He adored him, but  _ fuck _ . Now he was just paranoid and tired. That was it. Everything else, every other feeling or brain wave, fell to the wayside because he didn’t have the energy. 

That meant playing a shitty game of football where he nearly broke his nose from tripping over the ball.

“I’m just… off day,” Michael said, avoiding eye contact as he took out his mouthguard. He then moved to start taking off his jersey and his shoulder pads. He usually wouldn’t do that while in the middle of the conversation with his Coach, but they felt ridiculously heavy and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay upright with them.

“Off month, more like it,” Coach said, eyeing him, “You know you’re my responsibility, right?”

“Yes, Coach.”

“Then tell me what’s going on,” he said. Michael stayed silent. He couldn’t tell him what was actually going on and he didn’t have the brainpower to come up with a good lie. “Is this about anything that happened with your whole… coming out process? You’d tell me if any of the guys were messing with you, wouldn’t you? And if it’s your dad that ain’t responding well, then I can have a talk with him too.”

Michael blinked at him and it took him a few seconds to realize he had tears in his eyes. It wasn’t even a heartfelt speech, it was just _ too much _ . Too much to know  _ another  _ person cared about him enough to say something, too much to know that his list of people who would be hurt by his stupidity was a bit longer. He was beginning to think that maybe he should just tell everyone he was an alien so they’d stop giving a shit about him.

“It’s fine, I’m just off. Distracted,” Michael said. Coach didn’t look satisfied.

“You got scouts out there,” he said, “So you better  _ stop  _ being distracted.”

And that sounded a lot more like Coach.

When Michael walked out to his truck, he found that it was already preoccupied. It wasn’t too uncommon for him to find a Manes in his passenger seat. This just happened to be the Manes he was dreading.

“I thought you were  _ good _ ,” Eff said as Michael carefully climbed into the driver’s seat. It felt like a trick, but maybe he could drive off a cliff and fix everything. Ah, but that was just wishful thinking.

“I am,” Michael said, “Usually.”

“Guess you should’ve thought about that before you tried to corrupt my baby brother,” Eff said. Michael stared out the window and made a point not to say anything about how Eff had been screwing him over before he realized he was with Alex. He seemed to momentarily forget that this had all started because Michael was born. That was it.

“Shed?”

“Yep.”

Michael stayed silent through the drive as he had been these days. For a while there, he’d sort of accepted his fate and was starting to be a bit more talkative. Hell, he’d even gotten to a point where he thought Eff might give a shit about his well being. Now he knew that was just wishful thinking. Every conversation they had that may have given the illusion that Eff didn't hate him was just a figment of his imagination.

“Is your dad gonna question where you are?” Eff asked.  _ Is yours?  _ Michael thought.

“No,” he said instead.

Eff huffed a laugh, “My dad would kick my ass if I showed up later than I said.” It almost felt childish at that point, like Eff was trying to get him in trouble with his dad. It was so stupid.

The longer Michael drove, the more he thought that perhaps he shouldn’t be driving. His eyes were heavy and each blink seemed harder to come out of. Still, he somehow made it to the shed without driving off the road. 

They entered the shed in silence and Michael sat on his chair-of-hell where all of his injections and electrocutions took place. Maybe whatever Eff had in store would wake him up.

“Here,” Eff said. Michael lulled his head to the side to look at him, seeing him holding out an energy drink that had already been opened.

“Did you poison it or something?” Michael asked. Eff laughed softly.

“No, just drink it,” he said. Michael hesitantly accepted it and took a sip, deciding that if it was poisoned he wouldn’t really care. Eff sat down across from him and stared at him for a moment. Somehow, it was infinitely less uncomfortable than all the times Michael looked over his shoulder in school and expected to see him there when he wasn’t. “Look, I hate even saying this, but credit where credit is due. I appreciate you ending shit with my brother. Alex is great, I get it, and it took balls to break up with him when I know he probably didn't make it easy."

Michael felt a bit frozen in his spot. That was an understatement. Such a massive understatement that Michael  _ hadn't  _ been able to pull it off at all.

"I don't like knowing that aliens have, like, feelings and shit," Eff continued, looking to the side as if this conversation was just that unbearable. And he had no idea how unbearable it was for Michael himself. "But I do know you care about him which I can respect. But that shit's not safe, not with you being what you are and not with my dad being who he is. You get that, don't you?"

"Why does it feel like you're being nice to me?" Michael asked. He was beginning to wonder if he really had no self-preservation skills at all. Eff rolled his eyes.

"You just picked the wrong guy. I wanted to keep Alex away from all this," Eff elaborated, "So pick someone else."

Somehow, as genuine as he sounded, it still felt like a low blow. Michael couldn't pick someone else. Even if he had broken up with Alex, even if he never liked him in the first place, he was still a personal experiment for Eff. Anyone who got close to him wasn't safe. So that was that.

"Yeah," Michael said.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Michael sipping tiredly on his drink and Eff just watching him like he was trying to decide where to start. Who knew what kind of shit he had up his sleeve that he hadn't done yet.

Eff eventually stood up in silence and Michael's eyes followed him, watching him open up the small mini-fridge and pull out a vile of something. Dread pooled in Michael's stomach. He wasn't sure what Eff had dosed him with that time where it had him fucked up for a solid week, but he wasn't interested in a repeat.

"When's the last time you slept?" Eff asked. Michael shrugged because he didn't have a proper answer. He slept all the time, but he wasn't sure the 10-minute sleep session due to sheer exhaustion before he woke himself up in a panic actually counted as sleep. "Yeah, that's a problem. This is gonna help you sleep."

"Here?" Michael asked, eyes widening just a little. 

"Does it look like I have a place for you to sleep? Take it and I'll take you home, it should kick in by the time you get to bed and it'll knock you out for, like, eight hours," Eff said. Michael didn't have the energy to say no. Sleeping for eight hours straight sounded amazing.

He turned his head as Eff rolled up his sleeve and wiped the spot of his arm like he was actually concerned for him. He stuck him with a syringe and Michael could feel the moment it started to set in.

"I'm driving," Eff said as if that wasn't already obvious.

Michael tried to stand to his feet, but he felt woozy and held onto the chair to steady himself. Eff eventually stepped up to him and grabbed his arm, carrying the brunt of his weight.

"Jesus, what did my brother see in you?"

Eff got him into the passenger side of his truck and closed the door and Michael couldn't find it in himself to care that Eff was driving his truck. He was just  _ tired.  _

The drive home passed in a blur and Michael felt himself being pulled out of his truck before he could even register it. He leaned on Eff without thought and let himself be all but carried inside and placed in bed by the man who had made it his goal to torture him. He was covered up and his keys were placed on his desk and the doors were all locked back.

Michael fell into a dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time.

-

The next morning, Michael was left running over the night before in his head. 

Truly, none of it made sense. Eff wasn't just empathetic like he'd been on occasions when he realized Michael had feelings, he'd actually been  _ kind.  _ Was it his small payback for Michael ending things with Alex? Was it something else entirely? He probably wouldn't get an answer.

Michael stayed in bed for a while, letting his mind torture him with too many thoughts as he tried to analyze Eff's actions. It didn't work. And, in fact, the sleep didn't help him feel any better. It just made him alert enough to be back to panicking. There were so many things that could and would go bad. He was on borrowed time. Before he knew it, shit would hit the fan and he just wasn't excited for that.

Sanders kept quiet, just watching him and making sure he didn't become a disaster before his eyes. The day slid by at an agonizing pace. But it was  _ fine. _

He texted Alex a little bit--through an app instead of on his actual phone which had taken more than a little convincing than he wanted to admit, but he wasn't about to risk Eff finding out.

_ Alex: you ignoring me again? _

_ Michael: no, how could I? _

_ Alex: big talk coming from you _

_ Michael: :( _

_ Alex: when can I see you? I feel like I've earned at least a couple blowjobs _

_ Alex: payback for being a dick to me _

_ Michael: I'll do whatever you want. Maybe we can meet up somewhere tomorrow night? _

_ Alex: my dad isn't going to be home until Tuesday just sneak in _

_ Michael: idk if that's a good idea _

_ Alex: okay. _

_ Michael: don't be mad _

_ Alex: not mad, all I said was okay _

_ Michael: which is code for mad. _

_ Alex: okay. _

_ Michael: I'll see what I can do. I miss you _

_ Alex: I miss you too _

And it was fine. Alex got a little less upset and it was fine. Or it was until he got a text from Eff. All it said was:  _ Rest. Tomorrow is a full-day affair.  _ And that was enough to scare the shit out of him.

He didn't know what classified as a full-day affair to Eff, but it didn't matter. Whatever it was, it wasn't good. It was going to be a day of misery. How many more things could he get through and survive it?

As much as he tried to rest, it didn't work. Michael was nervous and dreading whatever was to come. By the time morning came around once again and that car was outside waiting for him, Michael hadn't slept.

"Are you ready?" Eff asked as he mindlessly climbed into the passenger seat. He took a deep breath.

"Yeah."

-

"Michael. Michael, wake up."

There were very few times in Michael's life where he'd describe himself as overworked. Out of all of those times, he'd never drained himself to the point that he passed out. He supposed there was a first time for everything.

When his eyes slowly dragged open, he was more than a little surprised to see Eff over him and almost looking concerned. It almost had him laughing if he wasn't so disoriented.

"You can't fucking die on me yet," Eff said once he opened his eyes. Michael didn't move. His body felt weak and he was pretty sure his muscles had melted into the ground. He wanted to go home. 

"Sorry," he murmured.

"You've only been doing shit for a couple of hours, you've strained yourself more than this before. That sedative I gave you on Friday shouldn't still be in your system," Eff said. He grabbed Michael's arms and hauled him into a sitting position, but Michael couldn't hold his own weight up and Eff eventually let him lay back down. "What are you good for if you're just going to let yourself be this useless?"

Michael's eyes slid closed and he tried to think of anything except for this.

He expected more scolding, more yelling, possibly an injection of whatever sort of wild alien steroid he had today. Instead, Eff pressed the back of his hand against Michael’s forehead then to his cheeks. He might’ve opened his eyes to look at him like he’d lost it if he wasn’t so fucking exhausted.

“You’re overheated. Your nose bled a little, but not as much as I would’ve expected before you passed out, so I guess that’s a good thing. We’ll take a break,” Eff said, voice careful. He stood up and walked away, leaving Michael on the floor.

Sometimes, if Michael really thought about it, he wondered if Eff knew that he was basically making him stronger. Yes, draining him in the moment and making him feel weak and out of control, but Michael had never had someone push his limits before when it came to this. Maybe if Michael played nice, he’d be able to overpower him one day, hide the body, and get his normal life back. He could. It was an option.

It was an option. Huh. That was nice.

A hand grabbed the back of Michael’s neck, supporting him as he was dragged into a sitting position once again. That hand stayed there as a cup of water met his lips and he was all but forced to drink. He had a million questions running through his head, all tying back to wondering why the hell Eff was treating him nicely all of the sudden. Maybe he actually felt bad for once. Probably not.

“If you die, my brother will probably be more upset than he already is, so I’m gonna need you to drink,” Eff said dryly. Michael obeyed.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Eff let him rest for a short amount of time before dragging him outside again to push his limits again. A little electrotherapy here, a bit of pinpricks there, and he had Michael throwing shit with his telekinesis over three hundred pounds. Michael would’ve been proud if his body wasn’t aching and his brain wasn’t pointless.

When he finally got to go home and the day settled in, Michael was back to being a mess. Eff  _ was  _ being nice to him. Too nice. He was planning something, he had to be. Was he going to kidnap him anyway? Was this just the beginning of the end, trying to make him trust him?

Michael forgot all about meeting up with Alex until he found himself outside his window which would’ve been a lot less worrisome if he remembered anything in between leaving the shed and ending up there. Even when he tried to remember, he couldn’t. 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to come over,” Alex said, leaning against the windowsill and blocking Michael’s way in.

Truthfully, Michael had only been to Alex’s house a total of two times, both just to stop by so Alex could grab something and they didn’t stay long. Now knowing what kind of business his family was in, Michael was glad he hadn’t stayed. And yet, today, all he wanted was to be in Alex’s bed. He was going to get fucked over anyway.

“Can you just hold me for a while?” Michael asked. Any sort of antagonizing Alex had in mind went away and he nodded, moving out of the way. Michael climbed in and nearly fell twice in the process, not even able to laugh it off when he needed Alex’s help.

For the first time in what felt like weeks, Michael was pulled into Alex’s arms. His head was cradled against Alex’s shoulder, he was tugged down onto his bed, he was held and he was warm and he was safe. Safe enough. As safe as he would get.

They laid there for a long while, nothing but the sound of their breathing as Alex combed through his hair. Michael faded in and out of consciousness at the sensation, secretly hoping to just let his mind fade away forever into the feeling. That would be a good way to go.

But, then again, he couldn’t have anything nice.

“Michael,” Alex whispered, “When are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Michael didn’t respond, but his grip on Alex tightened a little and that seemed to be all Alex needed to know there was, in fact, something going on. He readjusted himself a little and touched Michael’s cheek. It took a few seconds to successfully get him to meet his eyes.

“I’m not stupid. Something’s been going on, but I’ve stayed quiet. How much longer are you gonna leave me having to assume? Because my assumptions are getting wilder,” Alex said, trying to tease a little to lighten the mood. 

The issue was the truth  _ was  _ wild. How do you tell your boyfriend you’re  _ actually  _ an alien from the 1940s and you’re currently being used as an experiment by his big brother who he loves? Alex would laugh in his face or just leave him. Or maybe Eff was wrong and Alex  _ did  _ know and Alex would start experimenting on him too. He could take a lot, but he didn’t think he could take that.

Michael sniffled and focused on Alex’s collarbone, reaching out to touch it. He ran his fingers over it a few times and hoped Alex would just drop it.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Alex said softly, “But you know you can trust me, don’t you? I’m not going to hate you or be disgusted by you or anything. I might even be able to help?”

Michael’s throat began to tighten and he swallowed hard. He thought about Eff and his weird niceness and how he’d probably make him disappear soon, how Michael probably didn’t have much time left with Alex at all. How did he get in the position where he once had all the time in the world to having none at all?

He dragged his hand up to touch Alex’s lips. They were as soft as always and his breath was warm against his fingertips. He couldn’t remember the last time he kissed him. Hell, he could barely remember the last time they’d been able to spend this much time together in person. Then again, this had been one of the longest weeks of his life. Longest few months. Or, just nothing before it felt real.

Michael moved up to give him a kiss, one that was hardly a kiss at all and seemed to only be reciprocated because of how long it’d been. Alex broke it seconds after it started, shaking his head.

“Michael,” he whispered, “You‒”

“I love you,” Michael said earnestly. 

Alex let out a shaky breath. It shouldn’t have been such a hard thing to say and he probably could’ve said it sooner. He knew most of the people he’d been friends with who said  _ ‘I love you’  _ within the first month of dating someone‒the first week, even.

This just happened to be a bit more serious than that.

“I’m not saying that because of… I’m saying it because I mean it. Because I don’t know when or if I’ll get to tell you later. I want you to know just in case,” Michael said. Alex’s eyebrows only tugged together more and he scooted closer.

“Just in case? What do you mean? What’s going on?” Alex said, worry lacing his soft and sweet voice. God, he was so good. He couldn’t possibly know. He couldn’t possibly be in on the bullshit his family enacted.

“I should go.”

“What? No, stop,” Alex said, his knee wedging between Michael’s thighs to lock his leg around his at a weak attempt to keep in place. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Michael said, relaxing back into his bed. He was too tired to really try to leave even if he wanted to. And he really, really didn’t. 

“It’s obviously not nothing and you’re freaking me out,” Alex said, looking him over, “I was assuming it was something to do with your adoption or something and you were playing it straight for your social worker, but that’s obviously not it.”

Michael sighed and blinked slowly, tempted to just keep his eyes closed. When he opened them again, Alex was just staring at him.

“Next assumption was that you got into drugs. Have you? And if you have, let me help you,” Alex pressed, “Let me  _ and  _ your dad help you. You know he asked me what was wrong with you, right? Like, everyone’s noticed. So, just, like, stop talking like you’re never going to see me again. Let me fix it.”

Michael laughed dryly and turned his face into the pillow before he started crying where Alex could see. What was it with Alex and Sanders both being so eager to fix what they had no hand in? It didn’t make sense.

“Did you like accidentally fuck over a drug dealer or something and that’s why you’ve been staying away from me and distant and paranoid? Because we can go to the police and, and figure it out,” Alex continued, “You’re worrying me and I don’t like it.”

Michael took a few breaths until he could trust that his voice wasn’t going to embarrass him. “I’m not doing or dealing drugs and I haven’t pissed off any drug dealers.”

“Then what is it?”

“What happened to not pushing?” Michael murmured. Alex didn’t respond as he let his head hit the pillow.

They laid in silence for a bit longer, tension between them that wasn’t there before. Michael should just tell him. What was the worst that could happen? He was already living in the worst timeline, he might as well just say it.

But that was easier said than done. It was something he needed to talk to Isobel and Max about‒if he could even  _ talk _ to Isobel and Max without anything bad happening. The idea of it made him feel like he was being choked. Everything made him feel like that recently.

Alex’s hand suddenly touched the back of his neck and Michael was brutally hit with the comparison to the feeling of his brother’s hand on his neck. Eff was rough and firm while Alex’s touch was soft and warm. He wouldn’t mind if that touch stayed there indefinitely. And it seemed to stay there for a while, simply working into his neck.

When Alex pulled his leg away from Michael’s, he almost broke the silence to say something to keep him there. But Alex was pulling Michael onto his stomach and climbing onto his back before he had the chance. His hands worked into the multitude of weeks worth of tension in his shoulders and his neck, carefully trying to make him pliant under his fingers. Michael wasn’t sure it’d work, but he wasn’t going to tell him no.

The longer that went on, however, the more Michael found himself feeling guilty. He was a shitty boyfriend. He tried to think of the last nice thing he’d done for Alex out of the sea of nice things Alex had done for him. Sure, Michael was going through his own shit, but he was letting Alex worry and pushing him away and then letting Alex take care of him after it all. This wasn’t what he had in mind when he thought about getting Alex for real. It was supposed to be Alex parading around in his letterman jacket, it was supposed to be racking up tardy slips because he was late after blowing Alex in his truck, it was supposed to be  _ good.  _

And Alex had stayed good. Michael was the one who was fucking him over.

“Alex,” Michael said softly. He hummed in question, pressing into a knot in between his shoulders that nearly had him crying all over again. “Alex, what would you say if I told you the truth?”

Alex paused for just a moment before getting back to it.

“I already told you.”

“Even if I say I’m an alien and there’s a guy who found out and is basically using me as a science experiment and I can’t do anything about it because he’s got military connections and I can’t go to the cops because, again, alien,” Michael said in one breath, half into the pillow. Alex stopped for a much longer moment this time.

“That’s not funny,” Alex said softly.

“I didn’t think it was.”

More silence, more breathing, more waiting. Michael was sure he was going to be thrown out of his house. It was the logical next step.

“Science experiment?” Alex asked slowly. Michael nodded. “Like, cuts you open?”

Michael huffed a laugh, “Not yet, thank god.” Alex didn’t laugh. “Usually sticking needles into pressure points that set off shit in me and electrocution. Sometimes injects me with, like, alien steroid type things.”

“ _ Michael _ .”

“Could be worse, though, ‘cause he hasn’t cut me open,” Michael said. Alex made a pained little noise and then laid on Michael’s back. It was distinctly different than being kicked out. “Aren’t you freaked out? I’m an alien.”

“I’ve had sex with you and I didn’t find a zipper,” Alex murmured into the back of his neck. Michael breathed a sigh of relief that mixed with a laugh. If more tears came, they met the pillow immediately. “Don’t worry, I’ll help.”

“Alex, you can’t‒”

“I can,” Alex said firmly, “Give me a few days to come up with something.”

Michael didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. Later, he’d find a way to tell Alex that wasn’t an option. Currently, though, he’d stay right here.

Here, he was safe and warm and that’s all he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking around even though it takes me 80 years between updates

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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